CHAPTER 8

Kopius burst through the door, slammed it, and braced his back against it. He dismissed an empty window that had popped up and tried to catch his breath. Though he would have felt infinitely better behind a steel-walled vault, Kopius pushed with all his might against the door. The impending doom that should have burst through Kopius’s thin layer of protection never came. As the seconds passed by and Kopius regained some composure, he tentatively turned and put an ear to the door.

He listened until his breathing was less of a heave and more of a long whimper. He heard nothing, so he peered out a small crack in the door. There it was, pacing back and forth, looking around like a dog in search of game. The animal moved about with purpose but seemed totally unaware that the thing it had been chasing was a mere twenty feet away, hiding behind a piece of wood. This went on for several moments: Kopius steadfast in his gaze and the beast investigating. Several ideas ran through Kopius's head as he stood there, but apparently none made more sense than opening the door and poking his head out. Rhyme and reason were more guidelines anyways.

Kopius quickly closed the door when the animal's head turned in his direction. Looking back through the crack, he could see that the beast’s confusion had deepened, its movements more subdued and cautious. Kopius repeated the head-poking a few times until the beast was no longer sniffing about. Its interest in having Kopius for lunch looked to have passed, the four-legged alligator-mole bush monster backed down the way it had chased Kopius until it was no longer in sight.

“Holy shit,” Kopius exhaled, turning around and slumping to the ground, his back still against the door. Closing yet another blank notification window.

“I see you decided to leave the door shut,” said a pleasant, high-pitched voice from inside the room. Kopius jumped to his feet startled, again. He had spent the whole time peering out the crack in the door or had had his eyes closed while praying to any and every god out there, that he never looked around.

The elementary-classroom-sized room had a scattering of fire light with a short ceiling. An intricate fireplace sat central in the room with billows of smoke racing up a wooden range hood, lined with some type of metal. There was a large cauldron above the low flames, with various metal pipes snaking out to different sciencey-looking stations that lined the walls. Bookshelves were stuffed into any and all free spaces, filled to the brim with liquids, artifacts, plants, and more.

“Wh-wha-what?’’ stumbled out of Kopius’s mouth, both as a question and a statement. His eyes darted from one lab table to the next. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, eat your heart out.

“The door,” the voice peeped. ”I find it best left shut, but you seemed less sure.”

Due to the lack of overall illumination, Kopius couldn’t see anyone in the dim space. The different small flames dancing throughout the room caused Kopius’s eye to dart from one moving shadow to the next. As his eyes began to adjust to the darkened state of the room, so did his nose. Several stenches assaulted Kopius’s nasal passages. His stiff linen shirt provided little in defense from it either.

On further inspection, to his surprise, part of the smell was coming from him. Not that body odor hadn’t been simulated in games for years, but it was his smell. More specifically, it was his STANK. Like spicy Taco Bell sauce that had gone rotten, the smell was potent and specific. As he added his stink to the ever-growing list of things to figure out later, Kopius saw a figure emerge from the back of the room. He cleared his throat and answered.

“I… I’m… I was running from…” Kopius paused to figure out what exactly he was running from. ”Some… bush.” Borderline stammering, he continued, ”I’m sorry about breaking in here... I’m…I’m lost, and I-I don’t know where I am.” Kopius had always tried to keep it together when things went bad, but he was having a rough go of it and started speaking faster. ”I woke up in a cave, but I can't log out, and then I was attacked by some porcupine chihuahua! It hurt! The pain hurts! Then it healed, err, I mean, I healed, and then I got out of the cave and still can't log out.” Kopius’s hands were moving now, chopping at the air, animating his plight. “Then I was hungry, which was weird because you can't eat real food, so I plucked a berry that wasn't a berry, and an angry berry bush chased me through your door!” Kopius ended by gesturing to the place he stood.

By the time Kopius had finished his vigorous rendition of the past few hours the figure had come to sit in a chair next to the central cauldron. An array of pipes branched out of the large pot, creating a vast system throughout the room. The patchwork pipes ran over and through shelves to the three stations situated along the three walls. There were small leaks in some joints and steam coming from others. Crude knobs were in various places.

Maybe they’re safety valves? Kopius guessed.

The three stations looked similar in their setup: various glass tubes, containers, and tools. Each area had four pipes to one side like air vacuum tubes in a mailroom. The one noticeable difference was that each had the slightest hint of a different color. The east wall station had a red hue emanating from a medium-sized, nondescript metal pot hanging above a small pile of smoldering embers. Similarly, the north wall across from him had a yellow-hued metal pot, and the west wall was blue. These colorful pots, mixed in with firelight, accounted for all the light in the room.

“It is quite alright, quite alright,” the figure said kindly. “I can assure you we are safe here.” After a brief pause, he continued. “Can you understand my words?” the man asked.

“Uh, yes,” Kopius replied, staring at the silhouetted man.

“Excellent!” the shadowed figure exclaimed, jumping to his feet and clapping his hands together. “Common seems to be more universal than expected…” the man said quietly.

“Common... is what?” Kopius asked, confused.

The man's head jerked in Kopius’s direction, as if he had just noticed him.

“What’s that?” the curious man said. “Common? Oh, yes, but you are using it right now!”

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Kopius could hear the glee in the man’s voice. “But that is not important, er, it is important-more useful, very useful...” The man’s words trailed off.

They both stood there for a few moments before Kopius moved to lean against a short wooden cabinet. It was one of many cabinets and bookshelves that made a maze of sorts, leading to various parts of the room. With most of this furniture only reaching up to Kopius’s waist, he could make out the paths like an adult in a children's hedge maze. Some cabinets had doors, others were just shelves, yet Kopius could not make out most of the contents. The large room, with the exception of the central cauldron and workstations, looked as though it had been thrown together. Before Kopius could continue to survey the room any further, the short man stepped forward and out of the shadows.

“Please excuse my mess. My name is Oh-jin. Oh-jin Ochos,” he said, finishing with an arm gesture and slight bow. The man looked as though one of Santa’s elves had tried meth for a year and then decided to take up alchemy. The top of his head was shiny and smooth. Around the edges, white hair raced away as though he had recently been electrocuted. A long goatee hung from a face that had as many wrinkles as it did odd blemishes. His eyes were hidden behind crudely made goggles that stretched tight over slightly pointed ears. A heavy apron looped about his neck, wrapping most of his torso. It had various straps and pouches, and it rested snuggly atop a plain, long-sleeve shirt folded to the elbows. Sturdy, well-worn boots, almost reaching his knees, were affixed to the man's feet. With a quick smile Oh-jin offered Kopius some food.

“You must be famished,” Oh-jin said matter-of-factly. “That sounded like quite the adventure!”

The audible grumbling that sprang from Kopius’s stomach was all the confirmation Oh-jin needed. He spun on his heels and before he disappeared through a backdoor, he shouted over his shoulder, “I have just what you need, my boy!”

Kopius exhaled. His heart rate had started returning to normal now that he felt a bit safer. As the adrenaline eased throughout his body, he stretched his neck and arms trying to relax further. Hunger continued to groan in his belly, and his mouth was drier than a drought in the Sahara. Kopius raised his hand to eye level to see if it was shaking, but to his surprise the hand remained steady. As he was lowering his hand, Oh-jin emerged from the back. He was carrying a small wooden platter that had a short knife and something that looked like a burnt potato on it.

Oh-jin, with the smallest of grins, placed the items on the counter that Kopius had been leaning on. He then gently pushed the tray in his direction, making the universal, two-handed, palms-up gesture for ‘here you go’. Kopius looked at what he assumed was supposed to be food for quite some time before bringing his gaze up to meet Oh-jin’s. The short, lean man simply returned the gaze and nodded.

For several reasons Kopius–though starving and parched–hesitated to take the offering. The oblong, disfigured-potato-looking thing was about the size of a child's rubber football. It had a deep-brown, almost burnt skin and hair follicles like kiwi fruit. It reminded Kopius of a bachelor party he had attended. The party had been a weekend getaway at a lake for wakeboarding and general debauchery. Someone had eventually taken such a massive bowel movement that they all had celebrated. It was quite the achievement. The poo had been the length of a medium fish with the girth of a racket ball. It was gross then, and the object Oh-jin had slid in front of him was gross now.

Sensing the hesitation, Oh-jin pulled the tray back and picked up the small knife. His cuts were quick and precise, slicing the fruit into five equal-ish pieces. The inside of the fruit was white, had many small, purple seeds, and sounded like a watermelon when it was cut.

“These are really quite good,” Oh-jin said as he picked up a slice and took a bite. He ate all the white part until the only thing left was the poop-colored peel, which he placed back.

“This is a marshromo,” Oh-jin began. “It can be found deep in the swamps, usually by pools of water that are isolated.” Kopius just stared, so Oh-jin continued, “Though it looks unappealing, the nutritional benefits are unmatched for what can be found in the wild. Not to mention, it tastes like it was blessed by Pomo herself!”

“Pomo?” Kopius replied.

“Yes, Pomo! Goddess of the Fruit!” Oh-jin exclaimed, smile still present. He looked at Kopius directly and asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” Kopoius answered.

“Good. Are you thirsty?”

“Yes,” Kopius replied with some wonder, “But I shouldn’t be. Uh, hungry that is. Not like this. Not for real.”

“Whether you should or you should not be is irrelevant if in fact you are. Well, hungry,” Oh-jin replied. He took a slice of the fruit and handed it to Kopius. “It is safe, I can assure you. Better than safe! It will replenish you entirely. Please, you will not regret it!”

Kopius took a piece of fruit and held it in his palm, sure to not touch the white parts. What did Papa say about eating wild plants? Kopius tried to recall a survival lesson Papa had taught him long ago. Though Papa’s approach was slow in its going, it worked.

Smell it first.

He brought the white fruit slowly to his nose until he could get a whiff of it. Papa would say, “Now, if it smells like crap, you leave it be. Sour, rotten or just plain poo-smelling, leave it alone.” The marshromo smelled wonderful. It had an aroma of watermelon mixed with warm honey, and Kopius could almost feel his lips reach out for it.

Resisting the urge to take a bite, he then rubbed the white part of the fruit on the inside of his wrist. The texture of the marshromo was much like a watermelon, firm but crisp. After removing the fruit, he waited for several more moments to see if his skin reacted in any irritated or noticeable way. Part three of Papa’s ‘will this kill me or make me stronger’ approach was to bring the fruit to your lips and rub it on as one would with lip balm. If your lip exploded in pain, hives, or swelling, the fruit would most likely cause you some suffering–or death. Kopius could smell the fruit just below his nose, the soft, pleasant aroma-there one moment, gone the next. He pulled the fruit away and waited for any signs that proceeding further was a bad idea.

Nothing happened.

The last stage of Papa’s plan was to take a nibble and then wait some more; so that’s what he did. The piece that he bit off was too small to have any meaningful flavor. Kopius swallowed and waited. Several moments later he took a larger nibble, and this time there was flavor. His mouth filled with the taste that his nose had already smelled, watermelon and honey. It was so juicy and refreshing that he didn’t even think twice and started to eat the whole thing. He closed a blank notification window and just enjoyed the delicacy.

His body began to tingle, like someone had thumbed a guitar string in his soul and the sound waves were reverberating through him. The dry, smacking sensation in his mouth abated and the knot of hunger in his belly lessened. He might have freaked out about a ball of energy growing inside him but this one was pleasant, empowering, and light. It passed through him and was gone. Kopius felt more energized, refreshed, and aware. He smiled and looked at Oh-jin, who had been watching him the entire time. Oh-jin had not moved or spoken, he seemed like a man content to watch paint dry if given the chance. Kopius picked up a second slice of the marshromo and finished that one as well.

“Two should do you just fine.” Oh-jin said, breaking the comfortable silence in the room. “We can save these last two for later!” With that, Oh-jin scooped up the tray and returned to the shadows in the back of the room.