In a place of which the laws of nature dare not set foot, stands a formidable man in his tower rising apocalyptic penthouse, cackling with unrestrained madness as he drinks his champagne like a lunatic, delighting in his own accomplishment.
"KUHAHAHAGAGAGAGHA GAWK-GAWK-GAWK Ahem~ Ahem~" clearing his throat, he regains his composure.
"WITH THE ESSENCE OF MR. BREAST WITHIN ME, MY POWER HAS SKYROCKETED TO CELESTIAL HEIGHTS! THAT SO-CALLED 'KING OF FLORIDA' WILL KNEEL BEFORE ME! THEN, AS A SAVORY BONUS, I SHALL FEAST UPON HIS LOATHSOME HEART! KUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
| Somewhere in Florida |
Climbing out of his bathtub, the 'King of Florida' could tell someone in Ohio is playing him for a fool.
"Nnn-Mmmgmgnn- Mngh!! KEEP MY KINGLY NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH PEASANT!!!" King of Florida yelled, stomping around like an enraged child as he begins squeezing the life out of his 'therapeutic' stress-reliever ball, destroying it in an instant.
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The formidable man then throws open the curtains from his balcony window. The view before his eyes would cause even the bravest heroes to soil their underwear and the toughest villains to surrender immediately. But to him, it was just another typical day in the place called Ohio.
"Soon, Ohio will bow to me without question. But until the final curtain call..." his gaze slides to his pleasant distraction, an exquisite hentai-manga shelf filled with every imaginable fetish you can name and several others you couldn't...
"I shall indulge, Itadakimasu!" he says with a devilish tilt of his lips and a hand over his heart, as he reaches to get his much desired treat of choice.
But just before his hand is able to grasp onto it, a man in a suit similar to his bursts through the door, interrupting the ritual of perversion with a phone in hand, clearly shaken by the discovery.
"MY BOSS! CATASTROPHE STRIKES! A TRAITOROUS OHIO STEPPER HAS ESCAPED OUR REALM!" The man shouts at the top of his lungs, sweat dripping down his brow.
The muscular, freakish man in response turns to face the interrupter with cold, steely eyes, before instantly turning into his primal, animalistic form of rage and irritation as the walls around him begins to violently shake from his power, on the verge of tearing the whole tower to pieces.
"REPEAT YOURSELF, MINION! HOW IN BLAZES DID AN OHIO STEPPER SLIP OUR GRIPS?!?!" he exclaimed in great fury, now clutching his subordinate's neckpiece, suspending him like a puppet.
"T-THE UNTHINKABLE, BOSS! A MASS EXODUS! HUNDREDS FLED! ALL AT ONCE!!"
This revelation shocks the intimidating man so profoundly that his eyes pop out cartoonishly, flabbergasted at such a preposterous, completely inconceivable statement.
"NANI?! BAKANA?!?! IS THIS FOR REAL?! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NEOW, BRO?!" He freaks, instantly releasing his poor subordinate's neck-tie while falling on his butt in panic, the information taking root deep within him like poison.
"YES BOSS, I SWEAR ON 'MY MY LITTLE SISTER CAN'T BE THIS CUTE' BOSS!" he exclaims, showing the texts on his phone as proof.
"BOSS, THEY EVEN VANISHED SO FAR OFF THAT WE CAN'T EVEN TRACE THEM! WHAT SHOULD WE DO BOSS?! THIS WILL BE PROBLEMATIC IF INFORMATION LEAKS OUT, BOSS!!" He asks, sweating buckets in terror, not from his boss but fear from their Boss's Boss, knowing this will not end well for any of them, if he finds out...
His boss skims through the messages before eventually turning back to him and smacking the device straight out his hands with a firm swipe of his finger.
The phone goes flying through the air and splatters into smithereens when it hits the floor.
The phone is broken.
Gone forever.
Just like his dreams and ambitions of seeing his favorite characters in real life.
He really likes Kaguya-sama...
The now heartbroken man sniffles back tears, before looking back towards his boss, who, is now standing before him, tall, confident, with an imposing air surrounding him.
"This is unheard of... hundreds of Ohio Steppers escaping? Something's amiss..." the towering figure ponders deeply. His eyes narrowed in serious contemplation.
"It would cause a severe panic if this was leaked, or worst case scenario: a civil war could break out, both inside and outside of the Ohio. This could very well jeopardize my plans in taking control over all of Ohio...What must I do..?" he mutters, staring intensely at nothing in particular, his thoughts far away, an endless sea of possibilities, each riskier than the previous.
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"Very well, if i act fast now, i will have a much better chance at collecting those limited-edition R-18 doujins before they sell out again."
The suited messenger didn't know whether his boss was joking or not, so he just laughed to play along.
"You're one dedicated customer, Boss! Please spare a few doujin books my way too! That stuff's impossible to acquire anywhere else!"
"Ehem! You're forgetting your place, Minion! That kind of thing is obviously above your measly pay-grade! Scram if you have no more news."
"Right, of course, Boss! My humblest apologies! I'll pipe down then, Boss!"
"That settles it, I'll just locate them myself using the ki energy technique I learned from watching Dragon Ball Z last week." He confidently proclaims, pressing a finger to his temple, sensing for them.
"There i feel their energies..."
But for some reason, something is different now. his sense seems clouded. It's a strange aura of energy that's in the way. It feels warm and familiar yet completely unknown, unlike anything he has ever seen or sensed.
"Wait a damn minute... THEY'RE IN ANOTHER FUCKING DIMENSION?!" he yelped, along with his whole entire tower shaking, catching his subordinate off balance and landing on his ass.
"YOU! I'M PORTALING TO THIS DIMENSION! INFORM MY WIFE I'LL BE LATE FOR DINNER OH AND DON'T YOU DARE PEEK AT MY HENTAI COLLECTION OR IT'S CURTAINS FOR YOU! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dimension to ANNIHILIATE! KUHAHAHA! GAWK GAWK GAWK! Their escapade ends TODAY!"
"U-U-UNDERSTOOD!! BOSS!.. BUT WAI—!!"
"[INSTANT TRANSMISSION!!!]"
Before his assistant could even respond, the boss had vanished, and in the same instant, the floor above came crashing down due to the sheer force, burying the assistant to his neck, making his inevitable task all that harder.
"The Floridians are planning to invade tonight..fuck i miss you Kaguya-sama.."
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The muscle headed boss reappears in a stark white room—featureless and omnipresently white.
Turning about, he hears a distorted voice from behind, unseen and ominous.
(Who dares to disturb my domain?)
"Who has the audacity to question my presence? I am Satoyu, the unchallenged ruler of Ohio, master of cosmic forces that surpass your pitiful understanding."
The foolish boss turns around and witnesses the unimaginable vastness behind him.
"So blindingly white!" he exclaims, slack-jawed in awe.
"What in all realms am I even looking at?"
(You may call me Cfad.)
(I am the creator of every realm, both known and unknown.)
Satoyu the boss narrows his eyes, scrutinizing this surreal entity.
"Never In my 69 years reigning over Ohio, have I encountered a creature as peculiar as yourself."
(You must be the Ohio Final Boss, the supreme authority of Ohio, correct?)
"Absolutely. My reputation precedes me. But wait, how did you recognize me as the Ohio Final Boss? I was certain that name was only known within Ohio's inner circle or am i simply that notorious across all dimensions? 😏"
(Rest assured, you are not. I just simply know everything. This includes your identity, your lineage, and the sheer extent of your powers.)
(But to witness a mere human like you breach a dimensional rift in full form and understand my language—truly, your intellect is impressive.)
"Save your flattery and cut to the chase."
"Where are my Ohio Steppers? And why am I not in their presence?" he demands with a clenched fist, trying to suppress the simmering anger from showing.
(They have been chosen by me to inhabit a new realm, the 'Zone' dimension.)
(So unfortunately, they will never again reside in the place known as Ohio. Hence why, you should just leave this place.)
(Oh and to answer why you are not among the chosen group. Well, it's because...)
(You're a noob.)
(Does that satisfy your curiosity?)
Laughter can be heard. The muscle headed Satoyu, clutching his stomach, choking from the sheer humor of the situation.
"My my, that was quite hilarious! Especially the last one. Kuha! I haven't burst out into a fit like that in ages!"
"So you're telling me... YOU chose those powerless Ohio-steppers over ME? THE OHIO FINAL BOSS?!" Satoyu closes his eyes, his mind is refusing to accept the answer.
(Correct.)
As Satoyu walks towards Cfad, a visible aura of fury could be seen igniting around him. His veins throb profusely, as if blood would burst out any second now. The floor boils as it cracks under his unchecked pressure.
"So you really think you can just keep my Ohio-steppers like the toys they are huh? Well guess what, i am going to TEAR THROUGH YOUR PATHETIC DIMENSIONS AND DRAG THEM BACK TO WHERE THEY BELONG, FOREVER! THAT'S THE ONLY MEANING FOR THOSE POWERLESS TRASH ANYWAYS!!!"
"BUT BEFORE THAT..." Satoyu stops in his tracks. He puts his thoughts together before pulling his hair back, seemingly for dramatic flair.
"PREPARE FOR THE RECKONING, CFAD! AS I THE OHIO FINAL BOSS, WON'T LET THIS SLIDE, NOT EVEN IF YOU'RE A GOD! NO ONE ESCAPES FROM OHIO! NO ONE!" He then gives his iconic villainous smirk and laughter. And before you know it, his theme song starts playing.
"KEHAHAHHAHNABAHAHHAHAAAHAH!"
Cfad did nothing and simply kept his blank stare as Satoyu's rage aura continued igniting, turning the room now into a storm of dark, deadly energy.
(Bravery is truly the curse that comes with being a leader. Calm yourself and leave now, human, for if I fight, I will erase you from existence forever. Trust my words.)
Ohio final boss simply laughs at the pathetic warning, already charging up his supreme abilities.
"[BANKAI! GEAR FIFTH! ULTRA EGO! MADE IN HEAVEN! MADE IN OHIO! WONDER OF OHIO! SUCKY SUCKY VACUUM! NATURE OF OREA!]"
But to his surprise, every single attack is effortlessly stopped, repelled, redirected, and repealed by Cfad, as if his immense power is nothing but mere child's play to him.
(Quite the display of abilities, but it won't leave a single scratch on me.)
Ohio's final boss finishes his transformation, now unleashing 100,000% of his power, standing at the peak of his might.
"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! THIS IS MY TRUE FORM!" He laughs hysterically, the sheer force of his Ohioan presence starts filling the air with dread and despair as he assumes a full cosmic Garou fighting stance, ready to obliterate this wanna be god once and for all.
"PREPARE FOR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MANLY BRUTALITY YOU'LL EVER BEHOLD, FOR THIS IS THE TRUE POWER OF OHIO! 😩"
Meanwhile, Cfad just stands there, unmoved, waiting. Menacingly.