Kyle looked out over the rows of Blackwheat outside the city wall. The tall stalks held ebony nodules, which gently swayed in the wind. They looked a little bigger than yesterday. Did that mean they were still growing?

Nobody had much information on farming in their help menus. Probably because nobody had taken farming as a skill. Because, of course, why would you?

But suddenly, farming was important. Kyle hadn’t realized how valuable Lumen and Mia’s hunting was. Without them, the smokehouse ran empty in a matter of days. A few other people in the town offered to step up and be hunters, Kyle included, but it was surprisingly hard to use a bow when you had to do more than move a mouse and click. Kyle’s flame spheres were more reliable at short range, but they tended to just bounce off a target and send them running with a burn on their side. With food suddenly scarce and meals rationed, the town had turned to farming.

And it quickly became clear that building a farm was probably one of the first things they were supposed to do.

Kyle saw Dvorak leaving the gate and approaching an unworked part of the field with a hoe over his shoulder. Dvorak was hunched over, plodding along with an awkward Lagotherre gait instead of hopping like he usually did. Kyle waved as Dvorak approached.

“Well howdy, Kyle-the-Bland,” Dvorak said acridly. “What a lovely time to be alive in the great city of Crystopia. Beautiful day, isn’t it? Just like all the other beautiful days in this hellish place. Except for the ones that are rainy. Which are identical to all the other rainy days.”

“Dvorak? What’s gotten into you?” Asked Kyle. Dvorak had been grumpy lately, but now he seemed positively irate. Kyle turned away from the wheat and moved to intercept Dvorak. Dvorak stopped, thrust the end of his hoe into the ground, and leaned on it with both hands.

“What’s gotten into me? Hah! He asks what’s gotten into me! Because of course, life is always fair in the prison city of Crystopia! Of course there should be no reason to be upset. Happiness is mandatory! Our supreme leader requires it!”

“Look, Dvorak. We’re trapped too. This is just how it works, at least until Mia or Lumen or somebody wins this game.” Dvorak rolled his eyes, but seemed to be listening. “There’s nothing we can do. We just need to… accept it. Just… think of it like a forced vacation.” Kyle turned to look again at the wheat. There was a certain sense of peace in his powerlessness. Once he realized nothing he could do would get him back to his world any faster, life in the town was actually pretty relaxing. He watched as a gust of wind made ripples and waves in the Blackwheat, and turned to face Dvorak.

He looked furious. Kyle wondered what he had said.

“A vacation? A VACATION? Tell me, Kyle-the-stupid, how would you define a vacation?”

“I, uh-”

“Would it involve rest? A break?”

“I mean, yeah, but-”

“Perhaps less work than normal? A chance to be ‘off duty’ for a while?”

“I mean, you don’t have to hoe the fields, Dvorak. We could-”

“How about sixteen hour workdays? Sound like vacation to you?”

“Yeah, but… I mean no, it wouldn’t, but-”

“Because I’m pretty sure if you had to work for a full sixteen hours a day for a month, much less a year, you’d have to have a vacation from your vacation!” Dvorak shouted, face twisted with rage.

“Dvorak,” Kyle said, taking a step back, “You’re not working sixteen hours a day. We wouldn’t ask you to-”

“Kyle!” Dvorak snapped. “Kyle, what the —- do I do for a living?”

Kyle paused and thought for a moment. And it hit him.

Dvorak streamed.

Kyle felt his face soften into a look of concern, and Dvorak turned away.

“Sorry, kids,” Dvorak said to the empty air. “You might want to switch channels for a moment if your parents are in the room, because I’m no longer liable for what’s coming out of my mouth. Oh wait! LAWL! There’s a profanity filter. Nevermind, watch the bunny break down! It’ll be a ——- riot!”

“Dvorak, you don’t know that people are watching you. We haven’t had any contact with the outside world for-”

“Kyle, they brought me in because I was a streamer. Of course they’re recording me. Why the —- else would they have me here? Everything’s streamed.” He laughed bitterly. “I can just see it now. This clip, right here, re-uploaded to Youtube. ‘Dvorak finally snaps!’ My face, surrounded by crying face emoji.” He sniffed and looked up at an angle. “Hope you’re enjoying the show! Remember to like, comment, and subscribe! Support me on Fundy for more exclusive content!” Dvorak flung his hoe to the side and started storming back to the town gate.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

“Wait! Wait, Dvorak, where are you going?”

“I lost it,” Dvorak said. “Just now. I lost it on camera. Once a goofy little bunny. Sometimes sarcastic. Always enthusiastic. Now I’m mad. A mad little bunny. Went full-on rage-mode, live! Can’t go back to the old role. Time for a major rebranding. Gotta get a new schtick. Maybe I can punch Jacob in his little Mexican face. That’d be laugh, wouldn’t it? Ooh! Ooh! I could set the city on fire! Bet that would get me a few subscribers!”

“Dvorak!” Kyle said, trying to get around in front of him and look him in the face. “You’re… you’re not serious, are you?”

“Why shouldn’t I be? Here I am, stuck in a —-ing rabbit’s body. Useless! I have no clue how this game works, because I can’t stop to read the help menus. Can’t even survive a combat with a few ——- goblins! Comic relief! Always overshadowed by the other party members. Tagging along so that if they do anything cool, I get the views. I might as well be a camera. And now, Mia and Lumen are gone. Because of course they are. So my viewers are stuck watching paint dry – excuse me, I mean wheat grow – while I hoe a ——- field.”

Kyle got right in Dvorak’s way. Dvorak put his arm on Kyle’s leg to push him aside, but Dvorak was a rabbit and Kyle didn’t want to be moved. “Dvorak, not every moment has to be a winner. You’ve done plenty of exciting things. The fire? Triggering that trap? Dying? Trekking back alone to Crystopia?”

Dvorak looked up at Kyle with a despondent face. “Yes, Kyle. They all have to be winners. Streamers make content. All the time. Content, content, content. And here, the only time I’m not making content is when I’m asleep. Every second recorded is a second that’ll be watched. And you’re not judged by your best content. You’re judged by your worst content. People watch until they get bored. Then they watch somebody else. If you were good enough, maybe they’ll look back later. But if you’re too boring too often, they’re gone. You lose them.”

Kyle reached to put a hand on Dvorak’s shoulder, and he swatted it away.

“Viewers are merciless, Kyle. Not you. I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about all the other viewers. I mean, you have subscribed, right? Hah, I’m just kidding. But seriously, do subscribe so I can keep making this… this awesome content for you all.”

“Dvorak. You need a break.”

“I need job security, Kyle. If this huge awesome E-sports tournament is the most boring thing I’ve ever done, who’ll watch me when I go back to playing random indie games?”

“Dvorak, knock it off. You’re killing yourself here.” Kyle opened up his menu and opened to the ‘skills’ page.

“Well what am I supposed to do, Kyle? No. No breaks! What’s it they say? ‘A change is as good as a vacation?’ I just need something else. Something drastic. Something-”

Kyle abruptly reached out and grabbed Dvorak’s shoulder, quicker than Dvorak could react. Dvorak started to try to pull away from Kyle, but his knees buckled and he fell to the ground, supporting himself with his arms.

“Kyle, what did you… what did you do?”

“Sorry, folks,” Kyle said. “Dvorak’s going to be offline for a while. Come back later for more of your favorite fluffball.”

Dvorak’s elbows gave out, and he fell face-first into the dirt, fast asleep.

Kyle picked up Dvorak, threw him over his shoulder, and started walking towards the town gate.

As it turned out, the “touch” delivery rune fit together quite well with the “sleep” effect rune. So much so that you could scale the “power” rune to nearly max size.

* * *

Kyle sat on Dvorak’s doorstep, looking over the available runes in his spell menu.

He could unlock new runes by spending research points on them. He could see the way they looked in the ‘learn a rune’ menu, but didn’t know what they would do until he spent the research points. He and the other adept were splitting them up. Today Kyle bought some rune that looked like an S and an L smashed together for a sum of 150 RP. It turned out to be some vector math operation he had no idea how to use. The other guy bought a greek Psi with a little hat on it. It turned out to be water breathing. Some guys got all the luck.

He heard a bang on the door behind him. “Kyle! Kyle, I know you’re out there! What did you do to me and what the hell is wrong with my door!”

“Simple sleep spell,” said Kyle, closing his menus. “I’m surprised it was so effective. You’ve been out for like three hours. Looks like sleep’s OP. And Jacob put a wall in front of your door. You’re not coming out until tomorrow mid-morning.”

“Kyle! You let me out this instant!”

“Nope. Sorry.” Kyle said. “You’re on a schedule now. You stream eight hours a day. No more.”

“Kyle, weren’t you listening? I’m streaming right now. I’m always streaming. And if I’m trapped in a room, It’ll be boring. I’m sick of monologuing to myself. Please, Kyle! Have a heart!”

“You’re not streaming. Look to your right.” Kyle hopped up off the doorstep and ran around to the side of the house to peek through the newly-barred window. He wanted to see Dvorak’s reaction.

Inside, Dvorak was silently regarding a large sign that said:

Dvorak is offline, and will return tomorrow at 10:00.

He will be doing nothing interesting until then.

While you wait, consider supporting him on that one

crowdfunding platform he uses, to get more exclusive content!

After a long while, Dvorak asked “Kyle, what is this? What is this, bud?” There was sort of a subdued mirth to his voice. “What’re you doing to me here?”

“House arrest,” Kyle said. Dvorak turned to look at him through the window. “You can’t do anything interesting right now. Don’t even try. Fall asleep. Think your own thoughts. Read help menus. Relax. If your audience knows you’re not making content, they won’t watch. You’re off the clock.”

“Just for one day, though, right? Please? And I can go back to streaming tomorrow?” Dvorak asked. His pleas sounded hollow and insincere.

“No. All the days. I talked with Mason. 6:00, every day, we’re going to track you down and take you back here, kicking and screaming if need be.”

“But how can I help the city if I’m locked up in here?”

One by one, Kyle fed nearly a dozen books through the window bars and let them fall unceremoniously to the ground.

“Make some matches if you feel like helping. It’s about the most boring thing I can think of. Do it silently. Nobody’ll watch that crap.”

Dvorak chuckled and shook his head.

“I gotta go, Dvorak. I can’t talk to you for too long. Can’t have you accidentally making content, after all. Have a good afternoon. Your dinner’s in the chest next to your Alembic table.”

“Thanks Kyle,” Dvorak said.

Kyle turned to leave.

“Oh, and Kyle?” Dvorak said. Kyle paused, but didn’t turn to face him. “The crowdfunding site? It’s called ‘Fundy’.”

“I literally could not care less,” Kyle said.

“I’m glad,” Dvorak replied.

Kyle walked off towards the town gate to go do Dvorak’s hoeing for him.