Kyle had his axe out, but tried to hold it non-threateningly. As he approached, he saw the creature in greater detail. It seemed to be a three-foot high bipedal rabbit, with reverse joint legs and unkempt brown fur. Strangely enough, it was clothed in the same rough starting clothing as Kyle. It was muttering to itself as it pawed through a large pile of foliage.

“Um… hello?” Kyle said.

The rabbit-thing looked up, and a large smile broke out across its face. “Hey, a guy! There’s another guy here! I wonder if he has any flowers. Should I talk to him? I think I should talk to him. Y’know, welcome him to the land of Crystopia.” The thing stood up and waved widely. “Welcome, fellow traveller! Hail, and well met!”

“Um… “ Kyle stammered, taken aback at the creature’s gregariousness.

“He’s at a loss for words. Obviously. Who wouldn’t be, given the glory and splendor of our great crystal? But anyway, flowers! I’ve got quite a collection here, as you can see,” the thing said, gesturing to the pile of foliage. Now that he mentioned it, some of them did seem vaguely flower-like. “I don’t suppose you’ve run into any rare flowers? I want to add to my collection!”

Kyle regarded the rabbit with slack-jawed confusion for a moment. “Are you trying to give me a quest? Because if so, this is really unclear signalling.”

“A quest?” The rabbit-thing stood up, put its hands on his hips, and puffed out its chest in a comic approximation of a heroic pose. “Nay, my good friend. I seek not to give quests, but to fulfill them! For I, like you, am a player!”

“Excuse me as I refuse to believe you,” Kyle said. “We all came into this game as we were in real life. Unless you’re trying to convince me that you’re a actually a three foot tall rabbit, I’m not buying it. That, and what’s with the weird preoccupation with flowers? That’s more of an NPC thing.”

“The crystal! It teaches all! It transforms! Or… if you want to break immersion, you could also say character creation happens when you touch your first crystal, and there’s a race option there and the ability to learn herbalism. But it sounds so much cooler my way!”

The cadence of this person’s voice was highly abrasive to Kyle. “Okay, sure. So, may I touch it?” Kyle asked.

“Only allies may touch this crystal,” the rabbit-thing said. It leaned towards Kyle to give him a hammy, squinty-eyed glare. “Art thou friend? Or foe?”

Kyle shook his head in exasperation and shrugged. “Don’t tell the rest of my party, but yeah. I’m happy to let you win if it gets me back to the real world.”

“A party? Ahah! A noble group to adventure with! And where are your fine compatriots?”

“Back there,” Kyle said pointing. “The plan was to lure you to the edge of the woods and chop you up in an ambush. We thought you were a monster of some kind.”

“Obviously it’s because I’m so fierce,” the thing said, wiggling its ears. It waved towards where Kyle pointed. Mia, Jacob, and Mason came out from their hiding spots and walked towards the crystal.

“What about you?” Kyle asked. “Didn’t you have a group?”

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

“My group was severely lacking in the, uh, teamwork department,” the rabbit said. “One guy got it in his head to kill all the others. I only opened the door a crack, you see, so I could look out, and I watched as this foul beast of a man slaughtered two hapless victims!” The rabbit-thing waved his hands wildly while narrating.

“Oh?” Kyle asked, acting disinterested.

“Yes. And then, when he was looting the second fallen friend, Bam! Axe-to-the-back-of-the-head. And thus, I triumphed over the villain.”

“And then became a bunny?” Kyle asked.

“What better way to remain underestimated?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “How’d you get out if all your team-mates were dead?”

“Um, giant rope falling from the ceiling? Did you miss that?”

“No rope fell from the sky for us. We climbed out on each other’s shoulders.”

“Ohh! I bet it was meant to be an arena. Winner gets out, others get wrecked.”

“Yeah, be we solved it without any unnecessary murder.”

“How boring,” the rabbit thing said, shrugging.

Jacob was near the center of the clearing now. “Oh, cute!” He said. “They did a really good job on this mob!”

“They think I’m cute,” it said, without facing Kyle. “But they also think I’m a mob. Ew. I wonder how many times I’ll have to explain this to people.”

“Who are you even talking to?” Kyle asked, getting frustrated.

“Why, my fans, or course! I wish this thing has some sort of chat overlay, so I could answer questions and take suggestions, but I’m making do with what I’ve got.”

“You mean…” Kyle started.

“Oh, a streamer,” Mia said, confirming Kyle’s fear. “Why aren’t you human? Some sort of weird status effect?”

“No, you can pick a race when you tag the first crystal,” it said.

“Let me guess,” Kyle asked, “you picked this thing because a murder bunny was most likely to get lots of views?”

“I’d have put it up for a vote,” the thing said, “but I can’t seem to communicate with my fans at the moment.”

“Start talking,” Mason said, arms crossed. “What do you know about this? Are you streaming right now? Do you know how to get out?”

“I’m not streaming, per se,” the thing said, “I think this is more of a reality TV thing, you know? Like, in a virtual world, the cameras could be anywhere, completely invisible. Like there!” it said, pointing in a random direction. “Or there!” it said, pointing in a different direction. “My viewers are very loyal. I bet there are tens of thousands of people witnessing this glorious moment, the founding of the Grand Party of… wait, what are we calling our party again?”

“This party was formed well before you got here,” Kyle curtly. “And I don’t think we need a name. Also, you know that this overblown acting makes you look ridiculous, right?”

“He’s a streamer,” Mia said. “Cut him some slack. They’re all like this.”

“Which streamer are you?” Jacob asked.

“I am known only as the great Doctor Dvorak!” The rabbit thing said, again puffing out his chest in an attempt to look heroic.

“Oh hey. I think my son watches your channel,” Jacob said.

“Well guess what, bud! Your son is probably watching you right now!” Dvorak said, grabbing Jacob’s leg and pointing in an arbitrary direction.

Jacob suddenly looked very uncomfortable. He glanced in the indicated direction, smiled cheesily, and waved. “Hi, Thomas. I just wanted to let you know that papa is okay. He loves you very much, and he’s coming home soon, because he’s with some very smart people who are very good at games, and I’m sure that-”

“Anyway,” Mia interrupted, “you gonna try and keep us from touching this crystal?”

“No, go right ahead,” Dvorak said. “Watch out, it traps you in menus for a bit. I’m not sure if you can be killed while levelling up, but I’ll keep watch while you’re under.”

Mia paused, looking uncertain. “Okay, let me look over my stats first so I know what I’m getting into.” She started tapping through her menus.

Moments later, an alert appeared in front of Kyle. “Mia: Do not trust. his gig: get ppl to touch crys, then kill and loot. 1 at a time?”

Kyle saw Mason’s eyes flash down and back up, and he gave a barely visible nod. Jacob was far less circumspect. “Oh, huh. I got an alert. I think it’s a message for Mia? It says ‘Do not trust his gig?’ And it’s telling you to kill and loot people one at a time?” Jacob looked up at Mia with trepidation. Mia looked back with an appalled expression. “But why did I get it?” asked Jacob. “Is there something you’re not telling us, Mia?”

Kyle could hardly keep himself from laughing. “Go ahead Mia. I’ll keep an eye on things here.”