It takes a few moments to readjust to all my senses. As the predator, we—it—could taste and smell and vocalize. All that’s gone now that I’m just a vial again. Its vision was also more human, in that it could only see in one direction at once. Going back to 360-vision is a rough adjustment, but the blur of colors and shapes eventually resolve into something I can start to make sense of.
The town is in chaos. The sun is just beginning to rise, dyeing the scene crimson, but even beneath that stain of light I can make out the blood that’s soaked into the streets. Destruction is everywhere, and people are screaming, crying, and stumbling blearily out of their houses at all the commotion.
In the midst of that is the orc, blindly swinging her ax around at an unseen enemy, crashing into empty food carts and stumbling into buildings as she continues to roar and bleed and fight. Shakily, I try to move, gathering my legs beneath me as I climb to my feet. It’s not safe out here in the street. What’s wrong with her?
[Check,] Echo says. [Tetara, a Level 14 orc Bruiser. She has entered a mindless Enraged state as a result of her companions being slain.]
The words cut right to my core. I hadn’t forgotten, but Echo’s words make it real. I quickly pick out the bodies in the street. There’s three on the ground, moving and calling for help, and two others that aren’t moving at all. The dracid and the felis.
It killed them.
I killed them.
My soul flips. The world swirls dizzyingly around me, and I lurch to the side, all sense of direction lost. Horror wells up in me as my glass begins to rattle, shaking and slipping from my grasp as I stagger back to the ground, and I—I—
I can still feel it. The satisfaction of the kill, the taste of the souls. It was thrilling. We—I—had wanted more. And I would have killed more, if that orc, Tetara, hadn’t stopped me.
I’m not the hero. I’m the monster.
I want to scream. I want to dissolve into the ground. I want to take it all back, to trade places, to do anything, anything to make this agony stop.
I want to die.
And maybe I should. That’s the only way to stop the predator, isn’t it? I’m the only thing keeping it tied to this world. If my bond to this body is severed, then I’ll return Between, and the creature will lose its foothold on reality—lose any more chances to hurt anyone else.
Would it even kill me if it finds out what I’d done? Or would it just… just absorb me again, forcing me to feel what it feels, think what it thinks, live an endless existence as a starving, hateful shadow?
That idea scares me less than killing someone else.
I reach for my magic. I’m not shaking anymore. I don’t know if I have the energy to. I just feel empty and numb. Sever Bond, I think, harnessing the magic. On me.
[Insufficient mana,] Echo says.
Right. Yeah. I guess I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Reaching zero HP should do it, right? Echo. Check.
[Name: Kanin]
[Species: N/A]
[Class: Wizard]
[Level: 7]
[HP: 1/10]
[Bonus HP: 9]
[Mana: 0/41]
[Void: 0%]
[Role: Homunculus]
I do a double take. Seven? Level seven? When had that happened? When had I gained any…
Oh. The people I’d killed. I hadn’t been able to reach Echo before the predator had loosened its grip on me, so it must have happened without me realizing. I feel sick all over again. Grief washes over me in bleak waves. I just want it all to end. I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I can’t live with this. I can’t.
The ground shakes as Tetara continues her rampage. At least I won’t have to wait long. Only 1 HP left. Maybe her Enraged state will carry her back over here so she can finish the job. That would be fitting. Fair.
I watch, apathetic, as she turns away from the storefront she was demolishing and blindly focuses her fury on a new building. Something about this stirs a memory. Something about the wall.
Abruptly, an image of Noli crashing into the wall and falling to the ground flashes through my mind.
I jolt at the realization. Noli. Oh my god, Noli! How had I forgotten? She can’t be—I have to find her. She has to be okay. Fear shaking me out of my daze, I scramble to my feet. One leg is broken half off, but the other three work, and that’s enough. I hurry out of the street, away from anyone’s line of sight—or misplaced feet. My soul feels tight, each step too slow, and all that’s running through my head is that image of Noli skewered by my—by the predator’s shadows, unmoving.
As I keep to the edge of buildings, darting between carts and stalls and fallen lanterns, anger creeps in to make its home alongside my fear. I’m so stupid. So selfish. So busy wallowing in my own self-pity, I didn’t spare a thought for Noli. And what if she doesn’t have much time left? What if I wasted it just lying in the street? I shove the fear down before it can swallow me up. I just have to find her.
The ground lurches with another one of Tetara’s wild blows, and I’m nearly knocked from my feet. Her companion, the human named Saru—the only one left alive, no, no, don’t think about that now—is calling to the orc, trying to get her to stop, but her pleading seems to be about as effective as an umbrella in a hurricane. I try to focus on the ground in front of me, searching for Noli.
Even that’s not as easy as I’d like. Dirt and ichor cake my surface, and debris litters the ground in mountains of rubble.
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Echo, help me, I desperately call. Check for anyone in the rubble. Check for Noli.
[Affirmative,] Echo says. [The user will be notified when a Noli subject is identified.]
No words or text boxes appear in my line of sight. No one’s here. I have to keep looking. But my gaze keeps being drawn inexorably back to the bodies in the street.
There are more people about now, more drawn to the battlefield, crouching over the shadows in the road and calling for help. The trampled remains of the festival litter the town. This should have been a morning of peace. Of cozy familiarity and comfort. A morning of slowly waking up to quiet smiles and warm memories from the night before.
I’d destroyed all of that.
Tetara lets loose a wild, heart-wrenching scream, and I wish I could, too.
[Noli located.]
A glint of metal catches my attention. My soul skips. I rush over to the building—the building, the one burned into my mind—and find just what I was looking for. Just what I’d feared.
Noli’s lying on the ground, half buried beneath a pile of rubble. She isn’t moving. She isn’t moving she isn’t moving she isn’t—
Noli lifts her head. “Kanin? Oh, gods’ grace. You’re okay!”
She’s alive. I stumble over to her, my legs nearly giving out in relief before I even make it. The rocks have pinned half her limbs and all of her torso, but she’s alive. My glass has started to shake all over again.
I Check her health. [HP: 4/30]
Alive, but only barely. I need to get her out of here. All my signing glass is gone, lost somewhere in the chaos, so I bring out a couple pieces of Attuned shards from my inventory. “You’re hurt.” I roll the nearest loose stone away.
“Bit of a tight spot,” Noli jokes. One of her limbs is slow and jerky, like there’s gears that keep catching. “But all things considered, I’m alright. It’s you I was worried about. I’m so glad to see you.”
Her words only summon a deep, hollow grief inside me. I don’t say anything, and just continue to roll small pieces of the debris away. I can do this much at least.
“Your glass,” Noli signs. “It’s covered in that ink.”
I know.
“And you’re empty now. All the ink is gone.”
I know.
“Kanin.”
I pry another rock from the pile.
“Kanin. Are you okay?”
I wedge one of my legs under the largest rock keeping Noli pinned, and I use the rest of my signing glass to help leverage it up. The stone resists for a moment, then Noli joins in, shoving at it with the only limb that can reach. Together, we push the rock aside, and it tips off of her.
Revealing the hole torn through her core.
Broken bits of gears and torn metal and twitching, tiny springs, like metal intestines, frame a perfect view of the street beneath her. The hole is off center, nearly tearing her in half, and one of her six limbs is missing entirely.
I feel my shadows puncturing her shell. The shape of her soul, so tiny in our grasp. The taste of it, of being seconds, just moments from consuming it—
“Kanin!”
My legs give out, rattling against each other with a fragile music.
Noli wraps a gentle arm around me. “Hush. It’s okay. You’re okay.”
I’m not. I’m not okay, nothing about this is okay. She shouldn’t be comforting me. I hurt her. I killed them. Everything, all of this, is my fault.
I try to tell Noli. “The predator…”
My signing glass is shaking so hard, Noli puts a limb on me to steady them.
“I know,” she signs. “It’s okay, Kanin. It’s gone.”
No, she doesn’t understand. I shakily pull my glass from her grasp and try again. “It’s me. The predator. It’s in me. The ink.”
“I know,” she repeats. “I saw. It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”
But it is. It is my fault. I summoned it. I couldn’t stop it. And then when it—when we were one—I’d enjoyed it. I’d relished the destruction. I’d delighted in torturing those people. I’d killed them.
They’re dead. They’re really dead.
My mind spirals, those few words the only thoughts I can cling to, circling on repeat. Noli is gently patting my glass and signing soothing words, but I’m not registering any of it. I just stare at the hole in her chest. Just like the one in Trenevalt. But this one is my doing.
I don’t know how long I lay there or how long Noli stays by my side trying to comfort me, but my shaking finally stops, only to be replaced with a deep, hollow numbness.
Tetara’s rampage has also stopped. I’m not sure when that happened. But there’s plenty of other dangers here for us even without an Enraged orc. Like someone recognizing that I was in the midst of everything.
Noli must realize this, too. “Kanin. We have to get moving, and I need your help. Can you stand?”
“Yes.” Wearily, I push myself to my feet. My limbs feel heavier than they should. Every movement takes more mental effort than I’m used to. I don’t know how I’m supposed to help Noli like this. But she can’t move on her own. She’s counting on me to figure something out.
“Maybe I can use some of your glass as a crutch.” Noli tries to pull herself upright, but half her remaining limbs aren’t moving properly, and she collapses back to the street. I wince.
“No. Stay.” She needs my legs more than I do. I lower myself to the ground and roll off my glass. Nudging the legs closer to Noli, she seems to get the idea, and pushes herself up so I can squeeze them beneath her. It’s not perfect: Noli’s bigger than my little glass vial. And when I go to lift the legs up, it’s a struggle. She’s definitely heavier. But I’m not about to let her down. Not again.
My legs tremble as they stagger to their feet, lifting Noli off the ground. I take a couple cautious steps forward; with her weight, I have to move the legs faster, keep them better centered so I don’t tip the whole setup over and spill Noli back onto the ground. But I can do it. Rolling after her, I slowly move us out of the street.
“Where?” I pause to ask once we’re sheltered in a back alley. I need to find somewhere she’ll be safe.
“I don’t know,” Noli admits. “Maybe we can head out of town—find a bush or something to hunker down under while we figure this out.”
No, we need something more permanent. Somewhere I won’t have to worry about a person—or animal—stumbling over her. “The map shop?”
“Atlas Emporium?” Noli considers. “It’s only a few buildings down. That might work, if we can get back into the storeroom. Lots of stuff there to hide behind. Oh, but… I don’t know. Maybe… maybe you—maybe we shouldn’t go back there.”
She’s trying to spare my feelings. Maybe she’s worried that being back there will be hard for me to stomach. She’s probably right. But I don’t deserve a say. “It’s okay. Let’s go.”
I start rolling again before she can object, focusing everything I have on keeping Noli upright and moving forward. I wouldn’t say it’s comforting, but there’s something satisfying in having a task to do. At least it keeps me from thinking about anything else.
As the village wakes up, there’s more shouts, more crowds, more subdued tones and heavy moods. I can almost feel the fog of grief settling over the town. Or maybe that’s just my soul.
Attiru’s Atlas Emporium is cracked open like an egg, all its maps and papers spilled into the street beyond. Attiru isn’t anywhere in sight. Suddenly, I have a flash of their face looking up at me in pain and horror as my shadows stab through their arm, blood sinking into the dirt beneath them, but I was only focused on their soul, reaching for it, so hungry—
My hold on Noli slips and she scrambles for purchase as I nearly drop her. I snatch control of my legs once more, snapping her back upright.
“Kanin! That’s enough,” Noli signs. “You’re pushing yourself too hard. This is plenty. I can figure it out from here.”
No she can’t. She’s barely held together by a handful of springs. Besides, we’re almost there. Just a little further. Haltingly, watching for anyone who might notice our stuttering progress, I edge us toward the front entrance.
The door’s gone. So are the windows. The front room of the shop is hauntingly familiar, painting a similar scene to the wreckage of Trenevalt’s cabin. As we move through the shop—beneath the black-stained ceiling, over the shredded wood floor, around the destroyed display case—Echo notes scattered fragments of Attuned glass as they pass back into my range. I dully pick them up, but I keep my focus on Noli. All that matters is her. Just Noli.
She saved Attiru, didn’t she? When I was about to kill them, it was Noli who distracted me. And for that she almost paid with her life. All she had to work with was the body of a children’s toy, but she didn’t even hesitate. She tried to stop me, even though she must have known she couldn’t have won.
I guess that’s just what heroes do.
The door to the storeroom is jammed open—a morsel of good fortune, though it doesn’t bring me any relief. I carry Noli into the back, which is equally a mess—though this is Noli’s doing, if I remember right. Hah. Feels like a lifetime ago.
I set her down in a corner, tucked away behind a shelf. She should be safe here. Out of the elements, sheltered from any wild animals, out of the way from any misplaced feet.
And most importantly, away from me.