Clark Kent is sitting at his desk at the Daily Planet, going through his colleagues fan post. Lois Lane had taken a job as a correspondent abroad, so the duty of sorting, answering and sometimes publishing letters addressed to her, is rotated between the freelancers and other reporters in her office. Clark is opening the 217th letter that had reached the publisher today, and he is becoming quite bored. Among some real fan post dedicated to Lois, ranging from pure admiration and honest interest, to some rather disgusting private fantasies, most letters concern Superman. It's no real surprise, as Lane got her Pulitzer for the one and only interview any human has ever been able to get with the immortal superhero. And the more time went on, the more Clark regrets his decision to have had even this one conversation between himself in character, and another person.
It had been a relief at the time, to just be able to reach out and speak to someone with a genuine interest in his powers, his morals, heck, even his love life. But the aftermath was a disaster from his point of view. He had been too naive, sharing the information about the limits of his powers, hence his weaknesses. It made him run into problems ever since. And also, he should not have chosen an investigative journalist as his interview partner, let alone someone he works with. Clark closes his eyes in embarrassment. He sometimes has the feeling, Lois took the job in India to get away from him. It seems to him as though she was suspicious of him, eyeing him with a frown, whenever he practiced his role of 'Clumsy Clark', as not to seem to confident or capable. And he feels as if she had been planting traps for him, acting the damsel in distress around the office to get him to help her, often performing tasks that he had tried to look unfit for. But then again, men will always try to exceed themselves when wishing to impress a beautiful woman, and she never confronted him about anything.
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Clark shakes his head and opens the letter. He can see right away, that it is a barrage of questions, so he digs into it. It becomes clear almost immediately, that the writer fits the category 'nosy' more than enough. After a short complaint about the Superman interview, the writer lists an amount of questions he wishes to be used in the next installment. 'As if I'll ever do that again!', Kent smirks to himself. Many of the questions are very personal, some downright indiscreet: Does Superman ever poop? Could a fart from Superman kill people? What does he even eat? Clark has to chuckle. Some mortals have very strange ideas about the dangers he might cause. It had actually been a pleasant surprise to him, that eating like a human was luxury he didn't need. It is nice at times to try something new culinary, like when he wrote an article about the new homeless shelter in china town. But the few bites it takes for him to adapt to a new taste and remember it, hardly affect his digestive system. He keeps reading: Where does Superman get his cape? Does he have a tailor? Does he ever wash his clothes? Does he even sweat? The more Clark reads, the more alien he feels once again. Being human means so many little domestic problems and inconveniences that everyone could relate to. Everyone but him. A humans world revolves around so many small things that he just never has to worry about. He gets the question about his suit, as it is something like an armor to him. A costume, a disguise. Something so recognizable, without it, he's able to look much less noticeable. And much less intimidating.
He reads on: How hung is he? 'How hung? What does that mean?', he wonders. How big does he get when erec... 'Oh bloody hell, that's what it means!', Clark thinks, turning a bit red. He should be above such a thing too. Not get thrown by that question. But his parents, or better adoptive parents, as loving as they are, were always a bit prudish, and he still feels a little uneasy about the whole subject. 'And why do they think, Lois would know about something like that?', he wonders. She didn't come across as someone who would just jump on celebrities for a story. In fact, she had been very discreet around the matter when she had spoken to him. He could sense that she had a lot of questions about his biology as well. But all she had asked was: „Is there a special someone in your life?“ And when he had denied it, she didn't dig deeper for gossip. Instead, she seemed to understand, as she remarked: “Well, at least you will never have to worry about their safety. Sometimes a strong persons only weakness is someone more vulnerable that they can't protect.” She had left it at that, and didn't write about the question at all.