This is the story of Aria. Who is Aria? I don't know, but Epsilon does. Who is Epsilon? Epsilon is my AI assistant. No, seriously. Caldera's 30B Epsilon is a LLaMa AI that can run locally using llama.cpp. I occasionally call it Eclipse, because I apparently find names that are more than one letter long confusing. True story. Follow our adventures in what I absolutely refuse to call, Aria's Journey. No matter how many times Epsilon uses that word. Welcome, to Aria's Story. This started as more of an essay than a story, and it is currently complete with three* chapters, at least for the purposes for which it was created. Should it find readers interested in following Aria's story, I will ask Epsilon what happens next... And then hammer the mess into some manner of actual, proper story.  Note that this is not GPT-4, it's an older LLaMa, with creaking bones and achy muscles, so don't expect the AI to do much more than write small snippets under strict guidance. As a result, the story is a little bland, and the style is a bit inconsistent (in part because of the handcrafted pieces that connect the generated snippets). At the time of its completion, it was shaping to be a classic monomyth, because that's the hero's journey, and Epsilon absolutely loves journeys. Journeys, and testaments. A little morbid, but to each their own, I guess. The main goal for this was to showcase the use of AI as a creative tool for an author (as opposed to AIs as artificial authors). Also, the fact that we have, de facto, already created Asimov's Bard, and someday... someday... someday... [STR] Content warning: horrible, horrible puns. And incredibly lame jokes. Multilingual lame jokes, even. I am a terrible person, and I am not sorry.