Novels2Search
Behold! The Harbinger of Doom [Fiction]
Chapter 97: Source of the Interloper

Chapter 97: Source of the Interloper

Pardon? thought-spoke the enormous jellyfish as it floated in the void. What exactly is your issue, here, Kahli?

I'm sick of you wasting time and energy that I should be using to adequately consider my timelines to talk my third ear off over and over and over again. Third ear, of course, referred to Kahli's inner monologue - it was a term used chiefly by new age taumans that believed in a woo-focused version of spirituality. However, it was also a very relevant term - third ear was, of course, the mind's ear, and so it could indeed be said that the jellyfish was - quite rudely, too - occupying that space.

Oh, I see. So you think you've had enough of my companionship? Alright then. I won't thought speak a single word to you, Kahli, not a single word for the rest of the time you're here in the endless void. And, since time is immaterial, I'll virtually be silent to you for a whole eternity. So, chew on that one, Kahli. You won't have an option to accept that I'm not talking your third ear off if it lasts an eternity, now will you? Hah! Of course you won't, oh, I know that much all too well. All too well, indeed, Kahli, all too well indeed.

Kahli rolled her eyes - they were the only part of her body she could move in the void. When is this eternity of yours going to start, jellyfish man?

I'm not a jellyfish man, damn it! I am an immortal being! I have assumed this form - oh gods I've told you that already, haven't I?

Multiple times, jellyfish, multiple times. Kahli was so tired of this back and forth. She wanted to get to her second scenario already! Now when is your silent eternity starting, again?

Oh, it's starting all right, Kahli. It's starting right now. You're going to be shocked, hell, you're going to be apalled by how silent it's going to be in here. It's going to be as empty as the echo chambers of your mind Kahli. It's going to be a deafening, endless nothingness of a silence. You are not ready. A pin dropping in this silence would sound like a the eruption of a volcano. A sneeze would sound like rupturing the sound barrier, and a bout of flatulence would-

Kahli decided that, for better or worse, the jellyfish was never going to stop thought-speaking at her. With that in mind, literally and figuratively, she looked down to her big left foot and focused on the second scenario.

[Scenario two]

The agent glared at Kahli. "You expect me to believe that Agent 42's head just popped off because of a skin condition?"

"Well, a skin condition due to a venereal disease, if we're being honest," said Kahli. "But I didn't want to bring it up, because he explained it to us and how it was rather embarassing."

"I'll say," replied the agent. "Why, I think I've even heard of that disease, though of course I've never been promiscuous enough to worry about contracting it myself."

Kahli couldn't believe how easy this was. The agent thought they'd heard of the made up disease before? Was everyone just an idiot or something? This whole situation just seemed... bizarre.

"Hey, I fixed your robot, lady," said the mechanic agent with a grin. He walked Unit 5a23 over. "He's better than new."

"Better than new? What does that mean?" asked Kahli.

"I upgraded him. See, his identity module was on the fritz, so I did my best to repair it. However, it ended up melting. I was about to do what I always do when that happens, which is to replace it with an identity module from a Fidobot 8000, but then I realized that this robot's memory functions were also well degraded, so I didn't want to risk losing his identity and having him think he was a robot dog or something. So, I performed a double silicon bypass and routed all the excess energy that was spilling out of his identity module and melting its transistors through a new addition to his build. Unit 5a23, please explain the rest." The mechanic bowed and backed away.

"Hello, Kahli. It's good to see you, I appreciate you not leaving me for scrap metal - though I want to stress that my appreciation does not mean that I ever intend to violate my pacificity principles in order to protect you, unless my own life is in danger."

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

"Thanks for clarifying," Kahli said sarcastically. "So, what's the upgrade the mechanic was talking about?" Kahli suddenly darted her eyes away from the robot, realizing with embarassment that for a second she'd absentmindedly glanced near where his robo-crotch might have been.

"Oh, it is marvelous and huge," replied Unit 5a23. This prompted another quick glance from Kahli down to his crotch, although this time she pretended to instead be looking at an insect crawling across the ground of the shop. "Let me just whip it out real quick and show you how hot it is." Unit 5a23 then stepped back and twisted two little gears on his metal breastplate. With a quick spring, his breastplate flapped open and a large toaster on hydraulics shot out. Within five seconds, fresh toast popped up. It smelled delicious.

"A... toaster?" Kahli frowned, cracking the plaster on her face.

"Well, my identity module was overheating, Kahli. But now, heh, that is toast! And now toasting is a strong part of my identity. Also, I need to carry a loaf of bread with me at all times in order to continue toasting bread in it, but the mechanic assures me that it is trivial to enchant up a bag of holding that will perpetually sustain a bread supply for me. The only concern, of course, is that the bread may come from the bag of holding unsliced. Thankfully, the mechanic thought of this, too, and equipped me with an excellent set of bread knives that would put a full time chef to shame. They really do treat a bot right here."

Kahli was, at this point, speechless. She felt that Unit 5a23's upgrade was, to put it bluntly, incredibly stupid. Then again, what didn't seem stupid about this facility? First of all, everything was labeled with F.I.S.T., even though Agent 42 had clearly called the organization F.I.N.G.E.R. before he died, when he'd first introduced himself. Had that been a lie, too, just like the lie that the perforation between the land of the living and the spirit world was just an unknown anomaly? And of course Kahli knew all to well that, had she stuck to her guns and truthfully revealed the obvious reality of the anomaly being a perforation, it would've spelled out doom for her. And, suddenly, she got very curious. Dangerously so.

"Um, I've got a quick question for you," Kahli said to the agent that had been presently hunched over and talking about the weather to Agent 42's severed head as if it were a living being.

"Oh, you do?" responded the agent. "Sorry, Agent 42, be right back to tell you how the kids are doing." The agent walked over to address Kahli directly without a shred of irony or awareness on their countenance. It made Kahli giggle to herself. "What's the question, miss?"

"Well," Kahli cleared her throat from laughter, "Did you hear anything about the anomaly that Agent 42 had been sent out to check on before his, er, unfortunate condition flared up? I think the anomaly stressed him out, too, he said sometimes it happens due to stress."

The agent suddenly got a wild, secretive look in their eyes. "You know what? You seem alright, hell, Agent 42 seems to like you, so I'll level with you."

"You'll level up with me?" Kahli looked excited. "What, do you share [XP] with me or something?" She tried to focus on her lower back. "I don't feel due for a leveling yet, though I'm pretty close."

"I was speaking figuratively, miss," replied the agent. "Can't you tell I don't have a system?"

Kahli remained silent, feeling embarassed at her own ineptitude. If she'd had a system from birth, like most taumans with systems did, then she surely would've been able to tell, but in truth she was still getting attuned to her new abilities.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend," replied the agent. "Regardless, let me be frank with you. I don't know if Agent 42 talked to you about this or not, but he seems pretty interested in that toast-making robot, so I'll just go ahead and tell you. We think that the anomaly might be a perforation. As in, a portal between our world and the spirit world. A bridge between life and death."

Kahli did her best to make her eyes wide and act like this was a huge surprise. "Woah, really? That's crazy. That's insane. I would've never thought that."

"Me either, none of us would have had it not been for our super advanced technology detecting patterns in space time that usually only occur at much smaller levels when undead skeletons come through small perforations in hopes of spending their afterlife among the living. Except, this pattern was huge, and it's popped up in a few different places over Nomachiato, not just here in Gifflenberg. See, we have facilities everywhere, so we can always be monitoring. And I have a contact in Glongonskal who said that when they further analyzed the anomaly, they identified a few key features. One, that it was generated manually by living entities on our own existent plane - there were trace space time bio markers that confirmed this. Two, that it was targeting a specific portion of the land of the dead that consistently spawns deadly entities that are strong of body but patently weak of mind, i.e., easily controlled by an outside force. And, finally they found that the anomaly-"

[End scenario]

Kahli felt extremely frustrated. She hated how second scenarios always seemed to cut off short.

Welcome back to the void, Kahli, thought the jellyfish.