Kahli hadn't exactly pictured herself flying towards Lloyd at breakneck speeds in order to punch him in his bthe groin with her flaming fist at the start of this fight, however, Kahli didn't always have a great picture of how things were going to shape up until, well, they actually did.
It was kind of like what happened back when she obtained the scroll that started it all, Kahli recalled in the few moments before connecting flaming fist with alien groin for a final, wicked impact.
----------------------------------------
Kahli counted the steps she took, trying not to look too closely as she noticed with pain how much bigger her left foot's imprint in the snow was compared to the imprint of her right foot. It felt like daggers into her skin and into her soul, invalidating her very being with every single step. Regardless, Kahli stepped on, as she always did, feeling the fire within - or possibly the whiskey tainted coffee she'd had earlier in the morning - lighting the furnace within her.
Only, she couldn't seem to find a cluster of rocks the Trash E Scapaders had mentioned in their letter!
She checked her wooden compass, which had in its centre a beautiful everliving rose that looked as fresh and watered as ever despite the fact that Kahli sorely neglected it. She had clearly been walking towards the East of Old Snow Mountain, exactly as requested by the Trash E Scapaders' letter, and yet she saw no sign of Cagio, Rolfario, or truly any of the other strange fellows that made up the band of bandits.
She almost wanted to start calling their names, but of course that was just a base impulse. Kahli knew that they were in deep cover as outlaws, as their letter had stipulated, and that to call out their names so loud that the crows would scatter would be a bit of a bad call.
So instead, she looked. She looked at trees, she looked at the steep, rocky mountainside, she looked at an inconspicuous pile of snow, she looked at her tracks in the snow, she looked at her big left foot (ugh), she looked again at the inconspicuous pile of snow... Huh. Kahli had a thought. She looked again at the inconspicuous pile of snow and wondered if it was inconspicuousness or if was, in actuality, quite conspicuous indeed!
Kahli walked over to it and kicked the snow pile with her big, left foot.
"Ouchie!"
Crows scattered from snowy trees into the air, leaving a dusting of snow to tumble to the ground in a small peppering.
And then Kahli watched as none other than Rolfario arose from the clump of snow. And then rose Cagio, and then a man, and then another man, and so on and so forth until all the assumed men of the Trash E Scapaders were standing there before her in their trademark outfits, shaking the snow off their rapiers, capes billowing in the pained gust of wind that suddenly rushed out from the aether.
"There was nothing in your letter about an inconspicuous pile of snow," said Kahli.
"Well, you snow what they say," said Rolfario. "You just have-"
"Shut up, Rolfario," said Cagio, stepping in front of him to address Kahli. "What my associate Rolfario is saying, in his own way, is that it was all just a part of the test."
"Test?"
"Oh, yes, of course. You do realize that this is, in part and indeed in whole, a bit of a test, do you not? After all, Kahli, let us think about this. Nothing in our interactions has been... as it seems, has it?"
"Come again?"
"Oh, come on, Kahli, I know you're a smart girl. Let's think this through a bit, okay? So, when you and I first met, you were under the impression that I was, what, a trustworthy person with a purse?"
"Essentially." Kahli grinned inwardly.
"And you additionally were under the impression that we would pay for all the food and the wine that we enjoyed when we feasted in the nice little tavern, weren't you?"
"Of course, why else would they let a bunch of thieves come into their back room?"
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
"And with that, I mean, you had to expect there would be a little bit of shenanigans going on here. After all, you didn't go to our meeting spot expecting a letter, did you?"
"Of course I didn't, Cagio," said Kahli. "I expected there to be you. And the, what, seven other men that you're always with. At least seven. I'm not sure, it's hard to count you all when you're in uniform."
"By design," said Cagio, with what sounded a little bit like genuine hurt in his voice, "We designed the uniform to do its absolute best to protect our identities through anonymity."
Kahli wanted to explain to Cagio that she'd been using sarcasm, but she also didn't think it was really worth the energy and effort at this time. His mind seemed to be focused on other things that Kahli didn't want to even consider.
Cagio went on to explain that the small cluster of boulders was the enormous, rocky mountainside that Kahli had been looking at earlier.
"You've got to be kidding me," she said with a huff.
"It was meant with sarcasm, but that comes over badly in text," explained Cagio.
Kahli sighed and shook her head. "Whatever, Cagio."
It was soon time for them to make their way to this real archival opportunity, these hidden, otherwise inaccessible ruins. Ruins that were still being excavated or, from Cagio and the rest of the Trash E Scapaders' perspective, still under review for censorship and whitewashing. Kahli was ready, and so was the band of bandits. And so it was that Cagio pulled a small pebbled out from a side of extremely large rocks, and immediately they all tumbled away to reveal a secret passage in the mountainside.
"Rolfario knew a stone elemental that helped set that up for us," Cagio explained with a wink.
Rolfario grumbled as he walked through the passageway. Kahli laughed.
Inside it was dark, dank, and musty as all hell. Cagio explained that they needed to stick together at all costs, and so that was what the party did, with Kahli near the mid-front by his side.
Cagio explained to Kahli that Brumbario was at the front, and that this was the case mainly due to the fact that Brumbario loved to kill things. This passion came in handy when a couple of skeletons reanimated themselves from the sides of walls and reached out and slashed into a few members of the party. Rolfario spent the whole time making bad skeleton puns that were so painfully boneless that they didn't bear repeating, even in Kahli's inner monologue.
Deeper they went into the cave until they reached a large, heavy gate that had a huge shape carved into it intricately. It looked like the work of an expert. The carving also looked suspiciously similar to the shape of an old man's head, though Kahli sometimes when glancing at it from a different angle found it also looked similar to a well-endowed burlesque dancer.
"Alright, folks, this is showtime! In here is everything! In here is the end all, be all, the creme da la creme, the macrame that you lackrame!"
Kahli frowned inwardly as Cagio's poor pun afforded her psychological pain.
"Yes, in here you will find all of the old, ancient ruins that have as thus failed to be categorized by anyone and everyone whom has thusly tried to do so! This is fresh stuff, the real deal, the big kahuna! Are we ready?"
Everyone nodded, except for Kahli, who just kind of sighed and rolled her eyes. Was this bravado really necessary? Was Cagio trying to impress someone or something?
Then, Kahli suddenly realized something that shook her to her core. Cagio was trying to impress himself.
Talk about a losing battle. Kahli thought back to her big, left foot, and thought about how hard she had to work just to be okay with herself. But to impress herself? Clearly, Cagio had set some lofty goals for himself, loftiest of all to please his internal critic. And clearly, the end result of that was this baseless, tone-deaf proclamation to his party members, who, for whatever reason, seemed to be eating it up as if it were the finest delicacy.
Regardless, Kahli was having none of it. She wanted him to shut up and open it already.
"And, now, for Boombario to do the honors!" spouted Cagio as a man dashed up in front of the door to join him. He was holding a large, round boulder with a long line of what appeared to be thread running out from it. "Alright, people. You know what to do! Tell Boombario to: Light! That! Bomb!"
And so, the goons chanted. And so, Kahli sighed heavily, and-
----------------------------------------
Kahli had not a moment more to think about the past. She was miliseconds, triliseconds possibly away from smashing her flaming fist into Lloyd's groin. She had one final thought before she made the connection. She was damned glad that there were flames encircling her fist, because it meant that any impact she had physically would be shielded by a layer of flame and ember.
And then, it happened.
[Critical hit]
Lloyd squealed like a piglet as Kahli slammed into him. As he rolled through the air in agony, clearly in shambles, she floated slightly upwards and then lowered a little. Kahli had to go ahead and summon her rock again and kick off it a bit to keep from falling. As she was interested in watching the aftermath of her latest hit, it was actually integral that she continuously summoned and lightly tapped her rock with her big left foot. Kahli likened this in her mind to hovering.
"OH my gods!" cried Lloyd. "There's only one thing left for me to do!" Lloyd hunched over into a ball. His body started glowing.
Kahli wondered what exactly was going to happen. She looked at Froufrou, who squelched aimlessly. Kahli looked back at Lloyd and tried to focus her energy on analyzing him, system style.
[Lloyd has activated a skill]
And then she saw it.
[Lloyd will self destruct in 10 seconds.]