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Chapter 31: Aftermath

Hauff sat in his rock little hovel and seethed as he stared out the sealed window in the shadows, barely able to see much of anything through the dust and debris of the meteor impact.

He had little idea of why this was happening, and he was concerned about the implications of it. Was the end of the world coming to bring forth everyone's eternal doom and torment? That was what Hauff was guessing, because that's what it looked like outside, and it made him absolutely furious.

How dare Omar break his Gate? Had any of them realized what insane untapped potential had been lost the second that Gate cracked? Did any of those fools have an inkling of an idea as to exactly how unique and fragile Gates were, and how long it would take to reconstruct? Hauff could, realistically, end up dead before fixing the damned thing. That's how serious things were. He was no master craftsman, and the stone for the Gate required more than just his adept [skills] to fix it...

Now he could do nothing but sit and watch as the world was enveloped in darkness and shadow, but not the darkness and shadow that he, himself, had planned! It was sickening stuff.

Hauff looked at a messenger coconut that he'd received a few moon cycles ago in the mail. He'd immediately considered it irrelevant in the moment, and had assumed it was some sort of nutjob sending him crazy messages, but now he wasn't so sure about that.

To whom it may concern:

It is to my knowledge that you have conducted and/or concocted some sort of an "evil scheme" within the last ten moon cycles. As a legal courtesy, I am required by the wider Universal Plane to notify you that I, too, have concocted a scheme of my own.

If you believe you have received this notice by mistake, please contact your local system's department of Evil Deeds by mail at your earliest convenience to be removed from the required mailing list.

Okay, enough with the boilerplate. This is what's going down. I'm going to bring forth the apocalypse, the end of the world, and there's nothing you can do about it. I promise you, I don't like to play by the rules. I know I'm sending you this letter, and that might imply that I am a stringent, compliant rule follower, but it’s only because my freedom of choice requires that I do so.

If you value your life at all and have the means, you should get out of your planet as soon as possible, or alternatively, I would recommend freezing yourself through whatever measly [skill] you can manage and hope that when you thaw, my reign of torment will have long ended.

Praise me!

Sincerely, Lloyd Gherkins, Jr.

Of course, Hauff thought you'd have to be a real live lunatic to send something like this out and actually follow through with it. Evil spam letters were a dime a dozen, it was basically the cost of joining the Wrongdoers Guild. Other than, of course, all the annual dues and fees.

But what else could this be? And who was this weirdo, Lloyd Gherkins, anyway?

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Kahli was knocked from the side of the roof by shockwaves as the enormous meteor made critical impact in downtown Gifflenberg. Her vision went a horrid pitch black and she could barely feel a thing as she fell through the air, wind and waves buffeting her like she was soaring through a kind of strange, dusty ocean.

When Kahli landed on the big pile of garbage, the first thing she thought was that she was shocked she was alive. The second thing she thought was more of a feeling, a panic-stricken wondering of where Froufrou was. Fortunately enough, she was still holding her admittedly now somewhat damaged purse, and in that still somewhat nice purse was Froufrou. Then, she wondered if this was all Froufrou's doing! After all, wasn't Froufrou a the Harbinger of Doom? This was exactly the kind of thing you'd expect from a creature whose goal was to bring forth the doomsday. Yes, strange meteors crashing into downtown areas and nearly killing people were decidedly doomsday-esque. And yet, something about this didn't scream Froufrou to Kahli.

So who else could've done it? Who else would have done such a thing?

Had anyone caused it at all? Or was it but a strange, freak accident, a nightmarish situation with no cause and no driving force behind it. But that thought was terrifying. Kahli decided that there absolutely had to be someone responsible, because the alternative was almost too much to bear.

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Maybe there was a bit of a doomsday competition going on or something. Though it hadn't necessarily been presented this way to her back in the cavern with the Order, Kahli did remember that old, unchosen timeline where Hauff partially explained what exactly his Gate did, and that thing sounded terrifically similar to a doomsday device itself.

"Bwah hah hah hah haaaah! Tremble before me, puny mortals! I shall-" the voice hacked suddenly. "I shall - ack - I shall crush your homeworld under the iron boot of my superior [skills]! Taumanity has met its - ack - met its match in me! BWAH hah HAH HAH ha ha HA ha HAHAHAAAAHAHA!"

"This guy sounds absolutely ridiculous, Froufrou," said Kahli. "He won't even be half the end of the world that you are. This guy doesn't have a prophecy, he just crashed a big meteor into the planet is all."

"Who said that?" hissed the voice. Kahli looked around, though it was difficult for her to see much in the smoke-covered alleyway. "I heard you! I can hear your hurried little breaths, you must be SCARED of me. Bwa hah. HAH!"

Kahli was actually feeling more annoyed than scared right now, regardless of the fact that she'd essentially barely escaped her death by a series of lucky chances that had essentially nothing to do with her new, systemic gifts.

On realizing this, Kahli wondered why she wasn't using her systemic gifts at this moment. She summoned up a rock by her big left foot, just in case this guy was anything more than a bunch of hot air and faux machismo.

"Oh, using a [skill] now, are we? Ooh my gods, I'm soo scared! I might just soil my spacesuit! Bwa hah HAH! As if my spacesuit wasn't already self-cleaning!"

Kahli didn't even know what to say to this. She just felt like, well, she just felt like this guy was obnoxious and a little embarrassing to boot. Like, if Kahli were him right, now, she'd be pretty embarrassed to be.

"Hello there, Kahli!" cackled the voice.

Kahli jumped out of the pile of garbage she had lain on and faced an extraordinarily short, egg-shaped little man with a goatee and a thick unibrow. His skin was bright purple, and that was pretty uncommon, but what was even more uncommon was that his face was completely uncovered by either plaster or living wood, despite the fact that is had so many wrinkles and liver spots that he had to be older that Kahli.

"..How do you know my name?" she asked.

"System," he said matter-of-factly. "Which, I've got to say, I wouldn't expect someone your age to be such a novice with them. Sure, I'm always going to be better with a system than you, and I'm an exponentially higher level, but you ought to at least know how to redact some of your character sheet. You've got all of it hanging out there in the open for anyone with a system to see and analyze as they see fit. The only time unlike this that I can even see all of someone's character sheet is if they are allowing me to specifically with intent. You ought to really consider developing the soft systemic skills, and no I do not mean [skills] I mean soft systemic skills, to mask parts of your system efficiently. Unless, of course, you're much smarter than your INT reading seems to imply, in which case this whole character sheet I've been seeing must be some sort of a conniving mock-up created with the intent to fool people like me into thinking you're not a threat. Well, if that's your plan, know that I am more than ready to best you whether you be level 5 or level 1000, for I am of a higher level than both, and am not really concerned about whatever power you may or may not have. In truth, it is going to end up being negligible to mine. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing except in the fact that I am here on your planet for one sole mission, a soul mission that I chose long ago, a mission to destroy and conquer some planet at some point in my life. You see, back on my home planet, Vligorpion, I am a bit of a joke, I'm a bit of a failure some might say. Everyone on Vligorpion is waaay more powerful I am, yes, I'm known as a total weakling where I'm from, but I just knew that some day I would find myself a planet where virtually everyone there was substantially lower level than me. Now, of course, this might've not always been the case. Yes, maybe it wasn't the case in the times of that great light elemental of your world, Quantimidas, but since Quantimidas has been in a deep, irreversible coma since times long gone, I'm not really concerned about them getting up and kicking anyone's ass anytime this millennia. Which of course is great news for me because I'm going to wipe you out. I'm here to end your life and the lives of everyone you've ever known. Oh, and by the way, it's nice to meet you. My name is Lloyd Gherkins Jr., but you can call me Lord Gherkins."

Kahli shuddered. Did this Lloyd person just confess a plan to essentially destroy the world? Did his dreaded appearance have anything to do with the scroll she activated? Did it have anything to do with Froufrou? And, along with all that, what was the deal with this guy knowing her world's mythos? He was talking about Quantimidas like they were a real entity and not some sort of a, well, a bedtime story to tell to young tauman. What, exactly, was the meaning of this?

She couldn't let him see her fear. He'd already seen her whole character sheet, apparently, and that was violation enough.

"Well, very nice to meet you, Lloyd," said Kahli, extending an open palm for a handshake, "Please meet Froufrou, my pet. She's the Harbinger of Doom, and if I were you, I'd be concerned that she'll end the world before you get around to it."