Brahdley and Philhip sighed as they hopped out of the horse and buggy with their measly morsels. They'd caught something with a magic net, and that something was a mysterious egg from the Pit of Despair, but when they'd taken it to get sold they'd only gotten a few pence.

They walked up to the dingy storefront that they knew so well. It was carved into the side of a tall cliff, but somehow it still managed to look quite boring and cookie cutter, and it was in dreadful disrepair.

"Gehaff is gonna be furious," said Brahdley.

"That's assuming we tell him about all this," replied Philhip.

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe he doesn't need to know what all we did. Maybe we just say that the Pit was a failure except for the octopus."

"The octopus?"

Brahdley hadn't realized that they kept the strange, little octopus from the bottom of Pit of Despair. But he didn't necessarily mind it, it was just that the thing was in no state to be used as food and there was really no reason to be happy for catching it.

Conversely, the egg had an aura about itself that Brahdley hadn't seen in another system before. It was fascinating and different. It had to have been more expensive and special than Philhip's connection had let on! There was absolutely no way in reality that the old lady hadn't been scamming them in some way, Brahdley was certain of it.

And that's just what he told Philhip.

"Hey, come on, she's a nice lady," said Philhip unassumingly. "I think you're not really accepting the reality of the situation. I think you misjudged the egg. Look at the octopus. This octopus is great, they'll love that we caught the octopus."

"Oh, hey, catch of the day?" asked Gehaffrey as he walked up to greet them both.

"Gehaff!" said Brahdley in a bewidlered fashion. "Well, great Theseosus, wonderful to see you."

"Yes.. that's great..." Gehaffrey gave Brahdley an odd look. "So did you complete your mission? Did you catch us a pet?"

"I don't know really why we need a pet," said Brahdley, stepping in front of Philhip as he brandished the octopus. "I mean, Gehaff, be real here. Why should we have a sea creature as a pet in our restaraunt? Isn't that, like a health violation?"

"Never stopped us before," said Gehaff with a shrug.

"Still, what if it made people uncomfortable? Think about it. They come here for what, some nice sea food?"

"I wouldn't say nice, but-"

Brahdley stepped in front of Gehaff once again and interrupted him not from opening the swinging doors of the establishment, but from seeing Philhip and the octopus occupying his claws.

"So they come here for some sea food. They always see it cooked, right? They don't come here to see their food raw, or, like, alive, right?"

"But that's a bit of a misnomer. Plenty of restaurants have lobsters in tanks that people love to watch get carted out and then boiled alive in a pot. After all, don't people just love to walk into a restaurant and point at an exoskeleton and say - that, that's my lobster right there, give me my lobster and give it to me now, with impunity! Seriously, though, don't people say that?"

"I guess..." said Brahdley, cautious not to contradict Gehaffrey while also cautious not to reveal the octopus that was now apparently climbing and cukering itself across his back!

"You okay, Brahd? You seem... stiff. Like you've got an octopus on your ass or something." Gehaffrey laughed at his own little joke. Then, he shook his head and pushed Brahdley aside, walking towards the restaraunt. "Come on, let's get to work already."

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

Brahdley looked at Philhip, who shot him a glare through the living wood fangs and eye holes on his face.

Then they all walked, Philhip still holding the octopus, into the restaurant. It reeked of mildew and decay, and smelled permanently of wet dog.

"Ah, another day, another dream," said Gehaffrey with a smile. "Alright, I'll go fire up the kitchen and get read to haul in some of the bags of shrimp. You two work with Sharhen to get this place ready for customers." He looked briefly at the octopus. "Oh, and put catch of the day in a tank already. We have one in the back, and an old salt water filter."

Brahdley groaned as Philhip smiled.

"Wow, nice octopus," said Sharhen with a smile. She only had about half of her face covered by living wood at this point, but her claws were very impressive. "I would love to have such an octopus, that much is for certain."

"Well, you're in luck," said Philhip. "Gehaff said we can keep it."

"Oh, wow, that's great!" said Sharhen. "I'm so glad, let me go get that tank from the back and the old salt water filter."

Brahdley groaned. "I hate that octopus."

"Why?" Philhip and Sharhen asked in unison, both of them leaning a little too close to Brahdley's face for comfort.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the suction cups," he sighed. "Yea, it's definitely the suction cups. They just, they give me the creeps, and every time I cringe in discomfort at the octopus, it reacts really weirdly. It's like the octopus enjoys it when I'm experiencing discomfort, like it feeds off negative energy."

"That's ridiculous," said Philhio with a laugh. "Octopi can't feed off of bad vibes!"

"Yea, really, get real, Brahd," said Sharhen with a laugh. "Now let me go get the tank."

----------------------------------------

Brahd sat behind the counter in his apron and sighed as another stupid customer came into the door.

"Hello, I would like a table to eat at, please," said the brainless customer.

"Absolutely, take a seat, any seat," Brahd gestured to the grim room. It was grimy and there were barnacles on the inside of it, somehow. And one of the overhead lights was always flickering. One day Brahd would have to find the light elemental who crafted it and give them the business end of his claws. Yes, one day. But not right now, because he had a customer.

"But what if I want you to pick a seat for me."

"What?" Brahd grumbled.

"I don't want to pick out a seat. I'm a paying customer. I believe I deserve to be given the choice and priority of sitting in a restaurant on the decision of the host. And you are not being much a host, delegating your own job off on me in such a way. I think it's really quite foolish, honestly."

Brahdley could feel his eyelids slipping under his living wood. This person was exhausting and terrible, that much was certain.

"Hello? Are you even listening to me? Excuse me? Hello, hello there? Can I please get a seat assignment?"

"Sure, sit at that one!" Brahdley gestured with an open claw to a wide portion of the room.

"What? That was so vague! Which seat is mine? Please make it obvious which is actually mine."

On and on this argument went, with Brahdley eventually assigning the customer to the worst table in the restaurant. Every chair was wobbly, as was the table, and it was also quite sticky. Still, they seemed happy enough.

However, Brahdley couldn't forget how the octopus looked at him while he was talking with the customer. The octopus looked like the personification of glee. What was its problem? Brahdley absolutely hated the octopus.

And then, the door swung open again.

"DOOOOOOOM!" boomed a voice.

Brahdley groaned and rolled his eyes. "No soliciting."

"I'm not soliciting! Have you looked up at the sky?"

Brahdley shook his head. "Do I look like I spend a lot of time looking up at the sky? I'm here in a dingy room serving people cheap seafood, I'm not a wildlife surveyor. What, exactly, are you blathering about?"

"Fool! FOOOOOOOL! You must look above to the sky that encircles you, only then will you see the fate that beckons you."

Brahdley sighed. "Look, are you going to buy some food, or are you going to keep wasting my time?"

"Why not BOOOOTH?" replied the strange fellow, who was covered head to toe in shredded gray fabric that kind of folded over itself. It made the person look like a strange, cloaked pom pom.

"Whatever. What would you like?"

"Oh, can I have that octopus?" they asked, pointing at the octopus.

"Sorry, but the octopus isn't available on the menu."

"I noticed, but I see it in the tank, so I figured I'd ask."

"Look, the octopus isn't for sale, okay? There's no reality here where I'm selling you that octopus. If you want octopus, you'll order it off our menu, and if our menu doesn't have octopus, then you won't order it."

"Okay... I'll have the popcorn shrimp, then," replied the person with a good-natured chuckle.

"Okay, let me put your order in with our food team." Brahd walked over to a window and bellowed into it. "Philh! Got an order for popcorn shrimp! Make it a fast one!" Brahdley turned around to face this new customer again. "Now, what was this about doom?"

"Excuse me, but nobody's taken my order yet!" whined the needy, first customer.

"Sorry, kitchen's busy!" said Brahdley. He turned back to the figure. "So, doom?"

"Oh, yes, doom indeed, terrible dreadful doom, just pounds and pounds of doom all over the place. You really ought to go outside for a moment. It's quite a sight. It's like... well, you're going to laugh at me for this, but it's like the sky is attacking us."

"Fine," said Brahdley, curiousity piqued. "I guess I'll go look."

And so Brahdley walked out from the counter and to a small side door that he often used to sneak out for smoke breaks. And when he looked at the sky, he gasped in amazement.