Kahli was ready to send a rock soaring into Taubitha's wildly morphing leg talons with her big left foot. She reeled back, in preparation.
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Well well well, Kahli. Back so soon? It was the jellyfish floating in an endless void yet again.
What do you think?
Hah, hah, hah. Now that is a good question, isn't it? Oh, hah, yes it is. A question for another time. Ah, yes, time, that sweet bit of material... immateriality.
Sorry, what now? asked Kahli. That doesn't thought-make any sense.
You're right, thought-said the jellyfish with a knowing tone. But if you think about it, it might make more sense than you think.
Really? asked Kahli. Because I thought-think that you're just thinking about things you want to think about, and you thought doing that would distract me enough to keep me from having the thought that you're being hypocritical about time being immaterial. You know, just like last time?
Last... time? Kahli, what a silly concept. All is now, and now is the all. We are one, single globulating point that-
Just shut up, I don't care for any of this garbage.
What?
Just, just fucking stop it. I don't care about the material reality, or lack thereof, of time. I don't need you to waste my time droning on and on about how time isn't really there and I'm a hologram and jellyfish aren't really fish and life is like black box theater.
WHAT?
Shut up and let me look over my time lines already, dammit!
The big jellyfish stopped thinking at Kahli for an materially immaterial moment.
Then, Kahli looked down and her big left foot.
[Now viewing scenario 1]
Kahli kicked the rock, but her foot didn't connect right where she intended it to, and it swung far to the left, sending her floating and lifting off her legs.
"I'M GONNA EAT YOU, YOU ESCARGOT!"
Kahli balked. What a rude thing to call someone.
Then, her head hit the ground.
[You are taking damage]
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Tabitha ran up close to Kahli and punched her in the gut.
[You died]
[End scenario]
Wow, that sucks. Another scenario where I end up dying, and that was the first one. I wonder if this is a pattern?
[Now viewing scenario 2]
Kahli kicked the stone away from Taubitha. In the past, this had been a brilliant choice and a move that worked perfectly. However, at this time, it was not due to thought as much as it was a gut reaction based on muscle memory. And so Kahli was gripped by Taubitha and slammed into the side of a big rock bed that was used by flame elementals for tanning.
"Ow!" Kahli groaned, scratching peeling plaster off her face as she stood up and popped her neck joints.
"Like, what did you think you were going to do, STUPID?" yelled Taubitha as she slapped Kahli with a huge claw.
"Ow!"
Taubith started laughing. "Now it's, like, totally time for you to pay for what ill will causing slights you've paid to me."
"But Taubitha, I haven't done anythin-"
"I know you have totally done something, Kahli, so don't even like try me with that shit, okay? I remember Old Snow Mountain. And before that, I remember what lead up to what happened at Old Snow Mountain. Also, you're like weak, Kahli. Think about this, Kahli, think like deeply about this. We had a chance to like, fight. A real chance for battle and what did you fucking do? You gave it all up because you wanted to try and get out of it after realizing that you kicked your stupid rock away. As if you'll just be able to get another big magic rock somehow. What, is that your [skill] or something. Is your fucking [skill] just fucking summoning rocks that you can kick at people? How is that like, a benefit? How is that a [skill]? What part of that is like, interesting or intriguing or even like, togally useful in any real way? Who thinks I'm going to go kick a bunch of rocks when they head in to a fight? And who, along with that, thinks, Yes, not only am I going to kick a bunch of rocks, but I'm going to kick those rocks as a means of attacking people? What kind of scared, obsessive range-fighter would ever do something like that? OF course it's you, OF course it is!! I should've known this would be the case, I should've known you would fuck this up like you fuck everything up, you, you little fuck-up, you!"
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Kahli winced, cracking more of the plaster on her face. "Hey, so, Taubitha? Are you going to fight me, or are you going to just kind of yell at me like this?"
"What?" Taubitha shook her head. "Like, what do you mean?"
"I mean, you're-"
"Hello, hello, hello!" said a surprise voice from afar. There was someone standing there in a long, dark robe holding up a large weapon. Their nails were well taken care of, clearly done why one of the better people at the salon.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"Nobody, I"m nobody!" said the person with a chuckle. But who was it? Kahli looked, and saw that they were holding a small, purple clam! Everyone knew what that meant.
"You're taking video of us!"
"Uh, no-"
"Taubitha, this weirdo has been filming us fighting!"
"WHAAT?!" Taubitha stormed over to the weirdo and snatched their little, purple clam. "What the fuck is this? WHOM DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"
"Who," corrected Kahli.
"Whatever," said Taubitha cooly. She turned back to the weirdo. "Get the FUCK away from me or I'll BEAT the living SHIT out of you."
The weirdo scurried off.
Taubitha turned to Kahli. "Let's chase after them and-"
Kahli's rock, which had been stuck spinning behind a tanning bed for a while, suddenly shot out and bashed Taubitha in the head, sending her stumbling to the ground. Her neck cracked.
[End Scenario]
End scenario? Seriously? I feel like these second scenarios are always a ridiculous bit of a bait and switch, thought Kahli.
Yea, I know what you mean, said the big jellyfish. If only you knew what I meant when I talked about time. Speaking of which, have you done anything thinking lately about the meaning of time? What is time but a record spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, and hitting some dirt or something?
What?
Kahli didn't wait for the jellyfish to explain its weird gibberish.
[Now viewing scenario 3]
Kahli kicked the rock in the right direction, right towards Taubitha's groin.
"AAAAAOW!" Taubitha spat and keeled over on her haunches. "OH my GODS that hurt you skank!"
Kahli felt like she could keep hitting Taubitha, but she also saw no need do. Taubitha was totally beat, and totally humiliated, and so was her stupid fony, or whatever the hell it actually was. Taubitha was always so gullible.
Kahli remembered back when they were in gymnastics that some older kid told Taubitha that there was a magic baton at the top of the climbing stones. Kahli remembered how many times Taubith had plopped on the rocky floormat over and over and over again in failure. And then the look on her face when she got to the top one day and realized the baton was a lie. Kahli could still hear Taubitha whining It was a lie. A lie!!
Regardless, the fight was over, the foes were vanquished.
"The fight might be over, and we might be vanquished, but this is only a temporary a situation," said Taubitha. "We'll be so totally back. Just you wait, Kahli. I am going to punch like, so many rocks, maybe my level will be three digits by the time I get back to fighting you. You'll see.." She suddenly looked around the room at all the people hiding behind beauty tools and starting at them. "You'll ALL SEE!"
Taubitha ran up to her fony and hopped on its back. It struggled, but eventually was able to flap its glittery little wings and lift Taubitha off the ground. "We'll be BACK!"
Kahli laughed under her breath as Taubitha slowly but surely flew out of the room and into the air on the back of her fony.
"Well then," Kalhi sighed. "I almost chipped a nail, glad we got that over with."
[End Scenario]
Is this supposed to be difficult?
What do you mean? thought the Jellyfish.
I mean, am I supposed to struggle to choose which of the three options I'm being presented here?
Pardon?
I just don't understand why the third is always, like, the best option.
You think that was the best option? In scenario two, you vanquish your foe I think, I'm not one hundred percent certain though because it ended a little prematurely. In scenario one, you moved on to the great void of all one and nothing.
You mean, back to Theseosusia.
Yea whatever that's what I meant sure. But like, I just don't think you're being objective about this. Maybe the third option is always the best in your opinion.
Kahli considered this. Maybe the big jellyfish was right.
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Kahli smoothed over her nearly-chipped nail and patted Froufrou with a smile. "I'm so glad Taubitha is gone, she's really crazy. Do you really think she's going to keep hitting rocks until she levels up?"
Froufrou squelched.
Then, Kahli realized. She felt her lower back. It was time for her to level up!
[Level up]
It felt great to level up! Only, was Kahli going to get a chance to level up a skill?
[Congratulations, you've reached level 17]
Kahli sighed. Maybe not. But she was having a hard time deciding whether this [Seismic Sense] was worth it or not. Could she possibly open and edit her character sheet without leveling up? Maybe she could... liquidate the skill somehow.
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Welcome again to the crossroads void, thought the Jellyfish.
Oh my gods! I am so sick of this [skill], thought Kahli.
Well then, that's disappointing, but not surprising considering time is immaterially material. Or, is it materially immaterial? Eh, it's probably both, honestly.
Look, I'm so sick of talking to you with my mind, said Kahli.
Oh really? Well, have you ever thought about fighting me with your mind instead?
Kahli gave pause. Was the jellyfish challenging her to psychic warfare?