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Chapter 228: Buckle Up!

Kahli gasped as she took in what it was that the Exalted Time Protector was saying to her. So it was that all of existence itself was under some sort of a risk? Why? And how? She pleaded these dire questions to the cloaked figure.

"Hop on the back of my bike with that big left foot of yours first," said the Exalted Time Protector as they glanced down at Taubitha, who was still reeling, and Princess, who was frozen in time. "I need to get you away from these freak shows before I say another word, that much is certain. They might not be the smartest, but I don't know who all they're working with."

Kahli did a double take, looking over her ex-friend and her sinister pet. "Working with? Her? You can't be serious." Taubitha, Kahli noted, was never much of a team player.

"Unfortunately, Kahli, I'm serious as shit. Now, please, hop on already. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here, the fabric of reality makes me uncomfortable. I'm much more comfortable in the fabric of time. It's way easier not to fuck everything up when you've got infinite possibilities and infinite timelines. Fabric of time is nice like that. End a whole fucking timeline? Big deal, there are infinite more for you to choose from. Makes it real hard too seriously fuck up."

Kahli shrugged and summoned up a big rock. Then, she kicked off it a few times until she'd reached the space in the anti-air where the Exalted Time Protector's motorbike hovered magnificently. Dropping off from her rock, Kahli plopped behind the Exalted Time Protector.

"Got everything?" asked the Exalted Time Protector.

Kahli held up her fluffy purse and rifled through it, searching for none other than her beloved Froufrou. With a scream and a cry, she immediately realized that indeed, she was alone.

"Froufrou! Froufrou's gone!!" wailed Kahli. "Where is she?"

"Fucking beats me," said the Exalted Time Protector. "Actually, now that I think about it, she's probably back in that [checkpoint] that you found yourself booted out of courtesy of Taubitha here. But don't worry, Kahli-" they started as they fired up their motorbike with a blast and a burst of purple fire that shot it through the rift in time like a big, silver bullet, "-worst case scenario, we can always just go to another timeline and grab you a Froufrou from it."

For a moment, their conversation was interrupted as Kahli marveled at what she saw. For this was no minor time rift through which she traveled. Indeed, it seemed that every single moment ever, and indeed every single possible moment ever, was strung around in an endless net of space and time, cascading around her brilliantly. It was like being in a suspended hall of mirrors made out of threaded yarn, all suspended in a strange darkness scored against by a bright, white glow. It was nothing short of amazing, and indeed Kahli noted that everything smelled kind of like a fresh pair of shoes.

"What's up, Kahli? Enjoying the time rift? Thinking about which timeline you'd like to take a Froufrou from?"

Kahli scoffed as she gripped tightly to the waist of the Exalted Time Protector. "I could never!"

"Couldn't you, though, Kahli?" said the Exalted Time Protector. "After all, this time rift technically exposes nearly all timelines, ever. You could, in theory, find a timeline where everyone dies except Froufrou, and then save her. Or, you could find a timeline where Froufrou is not gone, and is indeed fine, and just kill the version of yourself that lived in that timeline and replace her. Or, or, you could just find a timeline where you already died and replace yourself in that timeline. Or-"

"Um, I'm sorry, Exalted Time Protector, but you forget that I'm [paired] to Froufrou," interrupted Kahli. "So, even if I wanted to - which I want to stress I don't, because what you're suggesting sounds absolutely horrible - but even if I wanted to take a Froufrou from another timeline and use her as a stand-in, it wouldn't really work. That's because, in all honesty, I need her to exist, specifically I need my version of Froufrou to exist, not only for my emotional edification but indeed for my system to function properly. You know, because I'm [paired] with her?"

"Ah, shit," said the Exalted Time Protector. However, they seemed to recover quickly from this momentary lapse in awareness of what was and was not expected. "I mean, uh, duh, I obviously was already thinking about that. We can obviously just go to a timeline where the Froufrou from that timeline can also [pair] with you. And before you go on and on asking about how your [skills] will transfer over, well, we'll just find a timeline where Froufrou can [pair] with you again while causing you to retain your [skills]. Don't worry, Kahli, I've worked it all out in my head ahead of time."

Kahli pondered this for a moment as she zoomed through the fabric of time on the back of the Exalted Time Protector's motorbike. "But, Exalted Time Protector, is that really correctly accounting for the infinite nature of timelines?"

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"What do you mean?"

Kahli thought back to her talks with the evil jellyfish, and was starting to wonder for a second if she hadn't been able to glean a bit of value out of her endless mind-ramblings with that strange entity. "Well, isn't the whole deal with infinity that while it is endless, it isn't all-encompassing?"

"Come again?" The Exalted Time Protector coughed.

"Okay, so, Exalted Time Protector, what I've come to understand after dealing with the various infinities and semi-infinities and proto-infinities and anti-infinities that make up time and space and all that other nonsense is that, well, you can have an endless amount of something without it being everything possible at all."

"I'm... not following," said the Exalted Time Protector with a sigh.

"Okay, so, say you're an interdimensional being. And you have access to an endless number of different dimensions you can access. Sound exciting?"

"Fuck yes it does," said the Exalted Time Protector.

"So, what do you think you'd be able to do with all these different dimensions, Exalted Time Protector?" Kahli asked with a smirk painted across her face. She noted that barely any plaster cracked as she made this facial expression - that was to say, clearly her face plaster was getting harder, indeed it was getting more rigid. She was starting to feel conflicted about something she'd looked forward to for so long. She was starting to feel like she was going to look old.

"Oh, I'd do fucking everything," said the Exalted Time Protector. "I'd, fuck, I'd go to a dimension with a bunch of money and grab all of it for myself. And, and, I'd go to a dimension with a bunch of booze, and I'd grab all of the for myself, too. And then I'd go to a dimension with a bunch of well-endowed-"

"Okay, great," said Kahli, not at all eager to hear the rest of what it was that the Exalted Time Protector had to say. "So, here's the thing - the dimensions are infinite, but they're not all-encompassing. So, instead of a dimension with money, or a dimension with libations, or a dimension with - well, a dimension with whatever the hell it is you were going to bring up next - instead of all that, there's just dimension after dimension after dimension of cheese."

"What?" The Exalted Time Protector turned back to look at Kahli through their shrouded cowl, paying no attention to the space ahead of them and soon slamming the motorbike into a string of timelines that quickly snapped and disintegrated. They gasped when they turned back to look at the havoc they'd wreaked. "Oh, fuck!"

"What?" asked Kahli.

"We just destroyed your entire timeline!! Everything you know and love is gone forever!!"

Kahli did not respond. She just let her mouth hang open wide in shock.

"Nah, I'm just fucking with you! I did destroy a timeline back there, but it was one where everyone only had one arm and everyone walked with tendrils instead of feet, except for Froufrou, who had tons of writhing feet. It was... pretty weird."

Kahli sighed in relief. "Thank Theseosus for that."

"Yea, well, anyways, what were you saying, Kahli?"

Kahli took a moment to collect her thoughts. They'd been presently dashed and splattered across her mind like a bunch of insects across the windshield of a horse and buggy. "Uh. I was saying that, well, in situations were choices are infinite but not all encompassing, there is not real way to define what it is that the infinite choices will be, and to believe otherwise is a grave yet common misunderstanding of a basic logical concept. Essentially, what I'm getting at is that you can have all the choices in the world, literally or figuratively, but if it's not all encompassing then there's just as good of a chance that all of those choices are just between different flavors of overcooked noodles as they are differing possibilities with which you could use to establish a ruling dominion over the world. This is something that I've done a lot of thinking about myself, as of late, considering the seemingly similar yet oh-so-different choices I encounter while in my [checkpoints] in time. See, even with the differing choices, there are patterns - not absolute patterns, mind you, but patterns all the same. And I truly feel that that thing of it is is that endless choice doesn't necessarily mean every choice. So your positing that I can just simply choose another timeline, that I can just replace my timeline's Froufrou with another, seems really quite base and reductionist, if you don't mind me saying so. Not only from a functional standpoint, of course, but indeed if we take my previous position to heart, one can also consider the irrelevance of such absurd hypothetical scenarios such as your own, whereupon an all encompassing infinity allows endless choice. If the infinity were, indeed, all encompassing, then indeed it must also be altogether meaningless. Now, meaninglessness may in turn be something you crave, Emaciated Time Protector, but-"

"Exalted Time-"

"Please don't interrupt me. So, as I said, Emaciated Time Protector, meaninglessness may be something you crave, but your cravings do not necessarily justify what is in all actuality a rational universe."

"WHAT?!"

"What?" said Kahli with a frown. "Why do you sound so concerned, Emaciated Time Protector?"

"Kahli, you really think our universe is rational?" There sounded to be fear in the voice of the Exalted Time Protector.

"...Yes? Why wouldn't it be? What would the word rational be if it were not for the idea of a match with how the universe actually functions?"

The Exalted Time Protector stopped their motorbike in its purple, flaming tracks and turned back to face her as best they could while maintaining a firm grasp on the bike's handles. "Kahli, I need to show you something."

"What?"

The Exalted Time Protector, without saying another word, raised their hand and summoned up what looked to be an ethereal scythe made out of purple energy. It was about three male taumans tall and seemed to shake and abberate with its inherent power, and indeed had an opacity of about seventy-eight percent. With that, the Exalted Time Protector twirled and spun this mighty blade and then sliced it across the side of existence itself, creating a large cut that opened up into nothing but a pure, white light.

"Oh, what's that?" asked Kahli, barely stimulated. She'd seen a lot of rifts as of late, and from her perspective this seemed to be nothing new.

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