"Hello there, Flungunglia Station 2.4, I'm Sharah Sharason," said the chipper fungus elemental wearing a red dress.

"And I'm Stheven Sthevenson," said the equally chipper fungus elemental in a suit and bow tie.

"And we're here live at the clearing by the big red and white spotted mushroom known colloquially as Neckers' Alley due to all the young taumans who seem to get some of their, well, to get some of their kicks out here." Sharah looked at Stheven with a smile and a wink.

"Ah, yes," said Stheven with a smile and a shake of the head. "I, too, remember when I used to go to such places... Simpler times, Sharah, simpler times indeed."

"Oh? Well, I never did. It was always too musty. But that's beside the point, because we have a whole news scene to report on here!"

Stheven mouthed a brief thank you to Sharah before continuing. He'd obviously lost focus for a moment and forgotten what it was that he was doing. "So, here we are, Flungunglia Station 2.4, here to bring you the latest and greatest over here at the clearing known as Neckers' Alley and-"

With a blast, the small, purple alien pointed a red beam out from his finger and exploded the red mushroom in a flash.

"Wow," said Stheven. "You, uh, heard it here first folks - looks like Neckers' Alley really, uh, bit it."

"I'll say," said Sharah with a sigh. "It's sad. That being said, we're here to give you live coverage. Live coverage of, um..." She looked Stheven up and down in a bewildered manner. "What are we giving live coverage of again, Stheven?"

"Oh, Sharah, what AREN'T we giving coverage of?" He leaned forward, within but three hair's of her face as he said this, and he exhaled breathily into his microphone. "What... aren't... we?"

Sharah giggled and stepped back as she brushed her hand across the living wood on her face. Then, she raised up her arm and gestured to the fight scene in the clearing, slowly lowering her arm down below the view of the cameras with a sigh. "Yes, it surely looks like the clearing will never be the sameafter this. It looks like destruction and torment are mutually assured."

"That's not the only thing that's mutual," said Stheven with a sigh. "All that said, I-"

A thunderous roar interrupted the newscast, drawing wide attention throughout the land, including but not limited to these two newscasters.

"Yes, you heard it here first, folks," said Sharah. "That is to say, you heard it here first, if you didn't hear it out your window! It sounded like, and correct me if I'm wrong here Stheven, but it sounded like some sort of a dragon roar or something."

"No, that's absolutely what it sounded like, Sharah," replied Stheven with a shake of his head. "Now, of course, as we all know here in Flungunglia at Station 2.4, there hasn't been a sighting of a normal dragon in Nomachiato in about five centuries, so the odds of one actually being out of hibernation are slim to none, especially considering that they usually hibernate for up to-"

Sharah's jaw flew wide open in a gasp as the deep blue water dragon swooped down out of the clouds and descended upon the clearing.

"Well would you look at that!" said Stheven with a big, wide grin. "You say it here first folks, unless you happened to be outside and not inside watching this newscast! Regardless, this is proving to be the first recorded dragon sighting in about five centuries! Now, Sharah, correct me if I'm wrong, but that does look like a water dragon, does it not?"

"Oh, yes indeed it does, Stheven. It looks like a dragon that flows with the ways of the water and the sea to me," she replied.

"Now, you happen to be quite knowledgeable about dragons, do you not?"

"I am indeed," replied Sharah. "I minored in Dragonology in post-post-pre-pre-fifth-second-third-first-dary school."

"Ah, a classic time to study such things!" said Stheven with the fullest and most passionate of convictions. "With that established, what can you tell the viewers at home about such scaly entities?"

"Well, first of all, the thing to know about water dragons versus just your common garden variety dragon is that, almost always, they are harbingers of peace."

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"Harbingers of peace?" Stheven chuckled lightly. "So, what makes them that, as opposed to say, harbingers of doom or something as such?"

"You see, Stheven, the water dragons are creatures of healing, creatures of life, of fullness, of support, and indeed creatures of love. Their powers and indeed their [skills] - yes, almost all of them end up being endowed with systemic power - almost always center around healing, growth, birth and rebirth... Save for a few lesser used abilities that they often keep around for self defense, you will probably never see a water dragon act on the offensive. They are, in fact, one of the key creatures held in consideration for practitioners of a belief system known as Peacearianism, which is loosely related to Pacifism."

"Peacearianism?" asked Stheven, incredulous. "Well, that sounds very interesting and indeed not dry at all to talk about! In fact, it sounds a whole lot more interesting and indeed less mundane than a common talk about some centuries old dragons. Do you happen to be very knowledgeable about Peacearianism, as you are about water dragons?"

Before Sharah could answer, the water dragon opened its maw and unleashed a torrent of water upon the many figures standing in the clearing. As they struggled to keep themselves form being fully submerged, one tauman stood unbattered by the attack.

"Wow, that looked like quite a targeted attack!" said Stheven. "I thought water dragons weren't much for fighting, Sharah."

"Well, usually they aren't," she replied. "But when they feel threatened-"

"But that water dragon there didn't necessarily seem threatened. That dragon just kind of swooped out of the air and started blowing water at everybody, with no seeming attack or prompting whatsoever. Almost like the dragon just decided to attack. That kind of throws a wrench into everything you were saying, doesn't it, Sharah?"

Sharah looked a little flustered, and for a moment she struggled to respond. "W-well, Stheven, you see, even though water dragons are generally stated to behave in a more peaceful manner, there is no accounting for this particular dragon's behavior patterns or indeed whether or not it feels threatened."

"How could it feel threatened?" asked Stheven. "It wasn't here, presumably it was up there in the sky minding its own business, and then it suddenly swooped down and attacked everyone! It seemed cruel! Malicious, even!"

"Cruel and malicious are not ways in which I've often heard water dragons described," replied Sharah with a sigh. "That being said, there is always accounting for the general variance in any creatures' behavior. All that said, everything I've ever learned about their nature leads me to believe with near certainty that by all facets of likelihood-"

"Behold!" gasped Stheven as he looked over at the scene at the clearing. "It looks like the great Archers of Flungunglia are here to diffuse the situation. They've identified the sole tauman standing erect in the clearing as an enemy of the town, and are ready to take them out!"

"That's a tauman?" asked Sharah with bewilderment in her eyes. "Why, look at their head! That doesn't look like the head of any sort of a tauman I've ever seen, that much is for certain."

Stheven squinted. "Ah, that's fair to say, Sharah, fair to say - I can't say I've ever seen a tauman with a big writhing mass of tendrils for a head. On their head? For their heads. Ugh, I can't even tell. Regardless, the whole display is disgusting. I hope that our great Flungunglian archers take them out all the same."

However, despite these hopes, it seemed the water dragon had other designs. Each time arrows came close to harming the central tauman, it would swoop down and swipe its tail at the archers. Soon enough, it had swooped low enough to pick up the strange tauman and allow them an escape from the scene.

"Wow, a water dragon acting in tandem with a tauman to evade our great city's archers," said Stheven with a sigh. "Now that is truly wretched."

"This is changing everything I ever thought I knew about water dragons," said Sharah with a contemplative sigh.

"Yea, well, there's only so far book smarts can take you, Sharah," said Stheven. "Thankfully, I learned how to broadcast in the sheets."

"Sorry, what did you just say, Stheven?" Sharah's face was bewildered.

"I said I learned to broadcast on the streets!" he replied with a smile.

"Hey, move over, assholes!" spat a grisly tauman as he pushed his way in front of the two newscasters. He was sopping wet, and shivering. His left arm was made of a broiling flame. "Hey there, all you people who were too fucking cowardly to do anything but sit inside and watch as the world went to hell around you! I'm here in the field with these two chucklefucks while the Harbinger of Doom goes riding off into the sunset, unabated by Flungunglia's useless archery reserves!"

"Don't say that about Flungunglia! Also, you can't swear on air!" said Stheven with vigor, however, when the tauman raised his flaming arm, he quickly relented with a sad sigh.

"Everybody always says that stuff about Flungunglia," replied Sharah with dejection.

"Yea, well, that's because you're all a bunch of fucking losers!" spat the tauman. "If you don't know me, fucking great, I don't want to know you. But you better fucking listen to what the fuck I have to say. We've got a real fucking apocalypse on our hands here, people. Did you just fucking see that dragon swoop down and attack? Well, there is a hell lot more where that came from. I'm risking my life even showing up here and telling you this, but if you don't keep your head down and fucking watch yourself, every single one of you dumbasses is going to get fucking shot into the spirit world faster than I can say go fuck yourself, and-"

With a loud twang, an arrow shot through the air and screamed right by the side of the tauman's face.

"What in the fuck was that? Did someone just fucking try to kill me?" He was fuming. His fiery arm became more enflamed as his anger built up. He looked around for the culprit, seeing nothing. "I have one word for the failed murderer. Who the fuck do you think you are?!"