The Supreme Time Protector walked across the perfectly manicured grass, ready to tee up and whack some balls for elemental putt putt. A rift in time opened up and they were at once accompanied by their younger self, who was serving as their caddy by carrying around their large bag of clubs.
"How's it going, me?" asked the caddy.
"Oh, it's alright, me. I just found a new [Time Manipulator], pretty cool stuff," said the putt putter. "Bestowing a [class] on someone is always stressful, especially considering the fact that I have to pull in other versions of us in to help out with the spell portion."
"Wow, I didn't realize imbuing someone with a [class] was that difficult."
"Yes, it takes more effort than you might expect. An awful lot of [STM], usually. But together, we were able to do it. That being said, I always feel like I get at my own throat in a lot of ways whenever I have to summon other versions of myself."
The caddy looked offended. "What? But I'm here and I'm happy to help!"
"You're different, me. You're so young and bright eyed - not that anyone can see you eyes from under your hood, but still - that nothing can phase you. You're a good person. You're not at all bitter or hardened by centuries of time travel shenanigans like some of my... older selves. Including me, my present self, mind you."
"Oh? I didn't realize I would become so bitter."
"Yea, well," the Supreme Time Protector just laughed. "Wait until you meet me. They're a real asshole."
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Soon enough, the Supreme Time Protector was ready to tee up. They'd spent about fifteen minutes talking with their younger self about the ceremonial garb of golfing that they normally couldn't wear, as it clashed with their ceremonial Supreme Time Protector outfits, which were traditionally all white, save for their jet black combat boots of course with the little pink pom poms at the end of each lace. But the Supreme Time Protector didn't like to dwell on that particular quirk of their outfits.
And so it was that the Supreme Time Protector's younger self handed them a ball, and wished them luck.
"Shhh!" The older Supreme Time Protector held a finger up to their hooded face.
"What?" replied the younger self, aghast.
"Shut the fuck up, me. You can't just go around an elemental putt-putt course talking your ass off. You've got to be quiet, damn it, people are trying to play putt-putt here!"
"But-"
"SHHHH!"
The sad caddy backed away, hands raised in the air in caution as they held their breath.
The Supreme Time Protector took up their club and ran their gloved fingers over it, admiring its chrome craftsmanship. Then, they raised the club into the air with a held back stance, prepared at last to make a great swing, and-
A loud engine revved with such a veracity that it shook the ground below them and indeed knocked the golf ball off its tee. Up zoomed an older version of the Supreme Time Protector. They were wearing a black leather jacket over their Supreme Time Protector robes and were riding on a suped-up motorbike with an antimuffler. Beside them in a sidecar was their caddy, an even younger version of the Supreme Time Protector, back when they had to wear the junior Time Protector robes, which were bright yellow.
"Hey, it's me!" said the original caddy to the original Supreme Time Protector.
"Yea, they're both you, you fucking dumbass. They're both us," said the Supreme Time Protector. They looked at their older self. "Turn that fucking thing off, you jackass! That's no way to show up to a game! Whatever happened to sportspersonship?"
"Yea, fuck off and have a drink, me," growled the older Supreme Time Protector as they swigged from a flask and lit a stogie. "Want a swig? It's tequila. 69 proof."
"69 proof? That's fucking weak, me. That's ridiculous that you'd act like that was cool," said the original Supreme Time Protector.
"Spoken like a fucking loser and a buzzkill, me. But hey, look at where I am now? You'll learn to loosen up eventually."
"OH fuck off me," said the original Supreme Time Protector.
The older Supreme Time Protector hopped off their bike and threw off their jacket in a huff. Then, they cracked their neck and walked right up to the original Supreme Time Protector. They loomed over themself. "Sup?"
"How the fuck are you taller than me?" asked the original Supreme Time Protector.
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"Time can change many things, me. Many more things than you even realize. But I wasn't even here to show you that. I was here to show you this." They gestured to their cloak. And with that, the original Supreme Time Protector gasped.
"Are you fucking shitting me right now, me?"
"No, me, I'm not shitting you. This is the highest level of Time Protector garb you can get. It's neon white, baby. Yes, that's right, I'm an Exalted Time Protector. Do you want to hear my full title?"
"Ooh, I do!" said the original Supreme Time Protector's caddy.
"Fuck, no, shut the fuck up you idiot!" said the original Supreme Time Protector.
"I'm now The Most High Exalted Overlord Tauman of the Sacred Sanctity of Time."
"Ugh!" groaned the original Supreme Time Protector. "What an asshat."
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The original Supreme Time Protector, the Exalted Time Protector, and both of their caddies had finally come to an agreement to start playing their game of putt-putt after spending about fifteen minutes bickering wildly. With that, the original Supreme Time Protector walked up and got ready to swing their club once more. They reset their golf ball on the tee. The felt up their club, and then they gave it a few good test swings. And then, they took a deep breath, and got ready to swing, and then they-
A huge time rift opened up right in front of the golf ball. A strong, pungent odor reverberated through the air in a thick, dank smog. It smelled like a skunk had just been rolled over by a horse and buggy.
"Hey, what's up buds?" said the Supreme Time Protector as they stepped in through the rift holding a dirty water pipe. They were followed by an even younger version of themself, the Supreme Time Protector back when they were in Time College in fact. "Up for some putt-putt?"
"Why don't you just shut up, you fucking idiot, so that I can take my shot?!" spat the original Supreme Time Protector.
"Wow, so uncalled for. Want a smoke?" asked the Supreme Time Protector.
"No I don't want a fucking smoke!" growled the original Supreme Time Protector.
"Wow, who knew I'd become so fucking lame," said the youngest Supreme Time Protector.
"I want some!" said the Exalted Time Protector.
"Right on, bud!" said the Supreme Time Protector as they handed themself the water pipe.
"Ugh. I just want to play this stupid game, and you idiots are ruining it for me," groaned the original Supreme Time Protector. "Do you know how cool this game can be if we all just.. played it? It's elemental putt-putt! And our element is time! Imagine the possibilities!"
"Gods, I'm sorry I'm so fucking annoying," said the Exalted Time Protector to the Supreme Time Protector.
"All good, me, all good. Now, uh, pass the pipe back please."
"What? Oh, sorry, me."
"It's all good, me, I forgive you."
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!" screamed the original Supreme Time Protector as they swung and missed the golf ball. "FUCK!" They swung again, still missing the ball. "FUCKING FUCKED FUCKS!!"
Before much else could happen, time froze and every failed swing reversed itself through time.
"Wow, did anybody else feel like they just got a bad case of gas?" asked the youngest Supreme Time Protector.
"Yea, it's cause I rewound time to try and hit the ball on the first try," said the Exalted Time Protector.
The original Supreme Time Protector did take a mighty swing, but indeed, it too was a complete miss.
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And so it was that, eventually, the Supreme Time Protector hit the ball on the first try after only rewinding time about twelve times. Of course, the only person who knew it was the Supreme Time Protector themself, but since there were so many versions of themself there at the moment, it felt like tons of people knew.
Regardless, their ball hit soared through the air, and then...
It slowed. It was a gradual slowing. At first, it seemed to just be taking a while to accelerate, and it seemed natural enough. Then it seemed like someone was intentionally slowing time down. And soon enough, the ball was stuck their in the air, cool and unmoving, frozen in time.
"Okay, who the fuck did this?" said the original Supreme Time Protector. "What jerk did this?"
Nobody would fess up to it. Needless to say, the original Supreme Time Protector was absolutely fuming.
"Who do you all think you are? By the gods, all I wanted was to play a nice game of elemental putt-putt with myself, and yet, every time I try, I just keep getting in my way. It's so fucking insulting I swear to the gods. I have tried to just ignore you, that is, to ignore myself, but every time I just end up dealing with my bullshit all over again. Why am I not taking this game seriously? It's not fun if I won't play along, you know! It's just all so ridiculous. What the fuck is your problem, me? I have succeeded in driving myself absolutely crazy, and it's so disheartening I might never play this stupid fucking game again - and don't you even say a word about the fact that you're here disproves all this, oh Exalted one! I can go fuck myself, for all I care!"
The other Supreme Time Protectors were feeling quite bad, quite guilty indeed, and walked forth to attempt to console themself. However, before they could make much progress, yet another rift in time opened right on up.
"Oh my gods, what now?!" groaned the original Supreme Time Protector.
But all the other versions of the Supreme Time Protector looked solemn, and indeed they all seemed freaked out.
"Fuck, it's the fucking Time Underlord!!" screamed the youngest version of the Supreme Time Protector.
"Balls," said the Exalted Time Protector as they downed all their tequila in a flash.
Out stepped from the rift a tall figure in jet black, tattered robes. "Hello, hello, hello."
"Hi. Did you freeze my golf ball?" said the original Supreme Time Protector with anger and frustration.
"What do you think?" grumbled an ancient voice that sounded like a thousand angry lizards. Then, the Time Underlord raised a spindly hand and pointed at the golf ball. It immediately burst into flames. "Now that that's settled, I need to talk to all of you about the [class] you just assigned out."
"About Kahli?" asked the original Supreme Time Protector. "What do you mean? She's clearly a perfect fit as a [Time Manipulator]. What has she done?"
"It's not what she's done, imbecile," replied the Time Underlord. "It's what she'd going to do that I'm presently concerned about."
"Presently?" said the original Supreme Time Protector's caddy. "Isn't that word kind of irrelevant since we're all time travelers?"
Everyone looked at the caddy.
"Shut the fuck up, you idiot," said the original Supreme Time Protector with a groan of embarrassment.