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Behold! The Harbinger of Doom [Fiction]
Chapter 158: To Capture a Consumer

Chapter 158: To Capture a Consumer

Unit 5a23 froze mid hip-thrust as he spoke the last of his sentence to Omar and blinked with his harsh, metal eyelids. Omar? Who was Omar? He'd recognized this flaming-armed tauman from somewhere. But where?

"Unit 5a23! I see you've already been beating this skeleton to a fucking pulp, and that's great, but I'd advise you to tread carefully. Do you know what it is? This shit is serious, bud," said Omar as he charged up his arm into a surging, blue flame. "I'd advise you step aside."

"Hey now, sugar!" said Unit 5a23 as he hip thrusted again. He wasn't going to let a momentarily bout of confusion throw him off his groove. "I think I can take good care of this little interloper. I don't right know what his problem is, that much I can admit. But the problem of him invading my restaurant is something I can never forget, so I'll punch him and I'll beat him til he keels over, yea, I'll take his skull and crack it open till his afterlife's over yea, oh yea."

"That's what the fuck I'm trying to tell you, Unit 5a23," said Omar with a groan and sigh. "It's not a fucking undead skeleton. It’s a formless entity using an undead skeleton."

As Unit 5a23 started to refute Omar's statement, the Voice controlling the skeletal form of Frank clambered up from the indentation on the side wall of the restaurant and started to creep towards the distracted automaton. His boney body was shattered to bits, but they were all floating in tandem to reshape into indeed an even more gruesome form than that of a normall undead skeleton. He looked almost like some sort of a boney ghoul with a gigantic mouth full of sharpened fangs and long, scraping talons. He was inching closer and closer to Unit 5a23, who was arguing with Omar over whether or not the foe he'd just fought was indeed an undead skeleton or not.

"Formless entity? Baby, I don't right know what you mean! There sure is a form that fella's got, and it's not the form of a puppy, now is it? You know what I say, Omar - though I must admit I've no idea how I know your name? But you know what I say, all the same?"

Omar cleared his throat. "You don't know how you know my name?" Omar was about to say something crass, but then he saw the awful reshaped form of the consumer looming over Unit 5a23's head. "Unit 5a23, watch out, that-"

"I say that all the same that guy was an awful bore, coming in to my restaurant and acting like such a chore, why all I wanted to do was to make some food instead this jerk comes crawling in and says-"

"I'LL CONSUME YOUUU!!!" growled the cosumer as it leapt over Unit 5a23.

But the bot, still supercharged from, ironically, one of the consumer's earlier attacks, powered up his [Robo-Blast] and hit the consumer with a big wallop of energy. "Take that, sugar!"

Omar killed a couple of gnats with his flaming arm. "How in the effervescent fuck are you managing so well against this thing? Why hasn't it paralyzed you and sucked you dry?"

Unit 5a23 wasn't sure of that himself, although he didn't necessarily want to stop fighting the consumer to find out as he kept punching, kicking, and using [Robo-Blast] at his enemy.

[Clarification: Your robo-skin is made out of 69% paralyzation resistant titanium. Effectively, the consumer would have to use so much of its energy to paralyze you that it would have to give up its currently assumed bodily form. Along with that, your SSC (solid state consciousness) is soldered directly into your motherboard in a method that would require the consumer to either have to solder something else to your motherboard or, conversely, remove your SSC in order to adequately possess your physical form.]

It was kind of difficult for Unit 5a23 to read his system message while he beat the shit out of the consumer, but somehow, he found a way. Still, no matter what he did, no matter how much he grinded the bones of the skeletal form to dust, they'd just reshape into some hardened beast ready to go toe to toe with him.

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"Unit 5a23, I think you've done enough!" said Omar. "You're literally punching bone dust at this point. No matter what you do, he'll just keep reforming and reshaping. We're going to have to stun him." Omar's flaming left arm engorged with even more power. "Please, let me do this."

Unit 5a23 shrugged and stepped aside with little protestation. Omar sallied forth, raised his arm, and brought it down upon the constantly whirling and winding form of the consumer. With a crackle and a bang that sounded almost like a bang of lightning and thunder, the bone dust settled and in a flashg of light fell to the floor with an apparent lifelessness. Afterlifelessness? Regardless, it had stopped moving.

[Consumer is stunned]

"Alright, we don't have much time to act before the cooldown ends and he'll be right back up to keep fighting us," said Omar as his flaming arm settled down back to its regular, orange hue. "We've got to find somewhere to throw this motherfucker, and fast. Honestly, I wasn't thinking I'd find him so quick - if we're being real, I was planning on taking a bit of an extended vacation here in Flungunglia, seeing as time passes so slowly outside this city in comparison as you might've noticed, before going out to catch the consumer. With that, I don't really have anything I can use to contain him. We've got to act quickly, though, or we'll have to fight him all over again. We need something that can hold his consciousness, like a soul core or something."

"I only understood about half of that, sugar," said Unit 5a23. He hip thrusted spectacularly.

"Ugh... Unit 5a23, I know you've got to fucking burn off all the extra energy from the consumer's electrical attacks, but this shitty alter ego of yours makes me pretty uncomfortable. Can't you just go back to your regular self already and burn off the energy by making extra toast or something?"

"This ain't an alter ego, baby! This is who I am now. Also, thank you for the reminder, thank you very much - I need to pull some bread out of my bag of holding and give it a good old run in the chest toaster. One secon-"

"Shut the fuck up, Unit 5a23. Are you telling me you've got a bag of holding with you?"

"Yes?"

Omar looked at the pile of bone dust, then at Unit 5a23, then at the bone dust again. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Unit 5a23 held up one of his metallic arms and looked at his own reflection, gently sliding a claw down the side of his face with a waggle of his mechanical eyebrows. "That I'd look like a boss with some sideburns? Yes, yes I-"

"Oh my gods, no, you fucking idiot! We could put the consumer in your bag of holding and use it to contain the beast!"

"My bag of holding? But Omar, that's where I get bread when I can't get my neighbor's!" said Unit 5a23. He was starting to sound almost normal now.

"You can still use it for your bread, Unit 5a23. Seriously, you'll barely even notice that there's an evil consumer in there that definitely wants to consume your powers and soul or whatever if you even fucking have one. But, regardless, we'll just use it to temporarily contain the foe. It's just a quick fix and the consumer definitely won't end up being in there for all of the forseeable future."

Unit 5a23 gave Omar, who he still did not totally remember or trust, a wholly suspicious look. "Um, Omar, how temporary? As in, is there somewhere else that he'll end up going, eventually, sugar?" Unit 5a23 coughed up a small ball of electricity. "Sorry, still working off the last bits of the jitters."

"No worries, bud. And to answer your question - why, of course! See, Unit 5a23, I already have people dying to take this douchebag under lock and key."

"You do?" said Unit 5a23, suspicion still quite there in his voice.

"Oh, abso-fucking-lutely." Omar waggled his eyebrows over the living wood covering his face as though he was about to say something that was an absolute bombshell. "Have you heard of a little organization called... The Order of Ahw Gizer?!"

Unit 5a23 stood there, silently. He accessed his system files, as his RAM was drawing a blank.

[Scanning system files...]

[Searching...]

[...]

[Did you know that indexing could speed up your searches? Think 'learn more' to learn more.]

Unit 5a23 did not think 'learn more.' His memory seemed to always be about null anyways.

[No results found for 'Ahw Gizer, Order of.']

"Nope, I've no idea."

Omar looked incredibly disappointed. Obviously, he'd been expecting Unit 5a23 to know who the Order of Ahw Gizer was. "Well, regardless," he said with a sigh, "It's all going to be fine. Seriously, don't even sweat it, Unit 5a23. Just open your nice, bread-filled bag of holding and let it vaccuum up all that bone dust, and the consumer will be good as dealt with. We'll just have to be sure to bring the foe back to the Order for safe keeping. Thankfully, I'm also a member, so it's going to be super easy to take back to the Order."

Unit 5a23 looked at his bag of holding, then at the bone dust, then at his destroyed restaurant, then at Omar's eager face. Given all this, he set his inner feelings aside and opened his bag of holding. "Alright, here goes nothing, sugar!"