And collide they did.
The rock and the lightning immediately congealed into a big ball of light. Kahli gasped. Froufrou squelched. The war mage screamed indeterminately, and even the living wood covering their face was going red as a result.
Shockwaves from the collision shook the world, which sent waves crashing through the sea.
"Theseosus' pincers!" cried Kahli as she found herself quickly knocked out of her canoe and into the waters. Thankfully, they were not the deathly murky waters of the Pit of Despair, although they were cold and harsh and salty. The impact knocked more than a little of the wind out of her.
[You're taking damage]
Obviously she was taking some damage, but Kahli's real concern was with whether she needed to worry about any of this damage she was taking. The wave ricocheted against her tauman body, and she felt weak and dizzy as she was sloshed around the unforgiving saltiness. However, strangely, she found that something was... helping her breath? Well, it was more like forcing air into her lungs. But somehow, Kahli felt like she was going to make it.
And then, she felt like nothing. Nothing at all.
----------------------------------------
Kahli woke up with a massive headache as she cough, cough, coughed out bits of seaweed and bile-filled saltwater.
"Great Theseosus," she said, choking.
Kahli looked around. It was pitch black, the middle of the night, and the moons were out. The larger moon, Majora, looked as brilliant and blue as ever. The small moon, Minora, was up above Majora to the right, and looked a little dimmer than normal. But Minora was never the moon for conforming to orbital plan lighting standards, was she? Kahli thought not, and it was just as well.
Kahli looked around further, and noticed a large, coiling archway above her head and a painful odor wringing through her olfactory system. Her tauman body was sore all over, and even her big left foot seemed like it could really use a break from doing, well, anything.
Then, she had a thought. Where was Froufrou?
Kahli looked around in fear. Where was her [paired] beast companion? She needed to know the Froufrou was okay. Even if the creature was, for lack of a better phrase, obnoxiously petulant, Kahli was starting to feel a little fond for the strange little being. Plus, she noted, if Froufrou died, Kahli lost her system. That was no small deal to her, certainly.
In her great search, Kahli noted that Froufrou was no longer covering her face, and that was quite nice. However, what was not quite nice was that she really had no idea where the thing was.
Then, she heard it. A familiar squelch.
"Froufrou! Where are you? Froufrooou!" Kahli called, and her voice echoed through a large, dark tunnel nearby.
She heard a squelch echo in response, and so Kahli walked over to the tunnel with a weak constitution to look for her companion. She didn't see the thing, but she smelled it, and she heard its terrible writhing, too. Then, Kahli looked above her head, and she smiled as she saw the awful thing stuck like a suction cup to the high ceiling grate of the tunnel.
"Froufrou!"
Froufrou detached with a pop from the top and tumbled from the air, landing in Kahli's weak arms.
"Let's get you... home..." Kahli swallowed her own words with a bit of regret, remembering how small and meager her stony living pod was, and how bad the air circulation in there was. If only she had an aquarium for Froufrou, Kahli thought, making a mental note to look for one when she had more of her wits about her.
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"This is absolutely batshit," said Omar as he flipped through the news-scroll, resting his boots on his desk and sighing as he used his flaming arm to quickly kill a couple of gnats.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry she smells so bad!" said Kahli as she held Froufrou tightly in her arms. "But, like, Froufrou is pretty cool, actually."
"What?" Omar looked completely confused and befuddled.
"Um, Froufrou? You know, my, er, my new pet that I'm, uh, I'm fostering?" Kahli held up the beast to show to Omar.
This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
"Ah, yes. That is... quite gross indeed. Hadn't noticed it," said Omar. "I was talking about this. Look at it, Kahli, it's really batshit!" He threw the news-scroll at Kahli and killed some more bugs with his flaming arm. "Damned insects. They can all fucking die, for all I care."
Kahli shuddered at Omar's words, then she looked at the news-scroll and shuddered some more.
STRANGE, ETHEREAL SEA MONSTER STEALS EXPENSIVE, MODERNIZED SUBMARINE/CANOE AND KNOCKS OUT HALF OF THE GIFFLENBERG GUARD
Kahli chuckled. They thought she was a sea monster? Then, she looked at Froufrou and remembered how she'd affixed the best to her head in order to hide her identity during the fight. Maybe this headline wasn't so out there, after all.
Authorities were shocked, literally and figuratively, when a fiesty creature that seemed almost tauman sailed up on the sea betwixt Gifflinberg and the Pit of Despair yesterday. With eight people seriously maimed and two missing, including the fugitive and perpetrator, people are scared, confused, and considering this a 'modern massacre' of our loyal authority figures.
One man said "This was really messed up. [The perp] just started kicking rocks at the guards, and it actually started killing - er - maiming them somehow. Also, it was a really loud fight, my ears hurt, and my blood sugar is low. But more importantly, seriously what was going on? How have the authorities not caught this person? Don't they have all means necessary of identifying somebody like this? How much of my tax dollars went to paying for all those crossbow arrows they fired into the sea to completely miss the enemy? Seriously, these folks are supposed to be protecting us. They can't even protect themselves."
Someone else said "Yea, it really wasn't that big of a deal. Guards like this, they come and go, and this is really what they get into their line of work for. If I were a guard, you bet I'd of loved the chance to fire some arrows at the crazy shrimp monster. Oh, and I'm a great shot, too." A third person said, "Yea, I got bored and started doing something else, so I didn't really see much, but boy was it loud!"
The canoe owner in question simply said "This is largely a sign of the times. You see, the small business owner, people like me, needs to understand that we are under attack on all fronts. We are at odds with our own customers, with the people that pay us for services. They are armed, or in this case legged it seems, and they are dangerous. We cannot trust the law to always do its job, so we must be prepared and ready to do its job for it. And also, apparently sea creatures just can't stand boats now, so they've grown legs in order to assault and harass us. Lowering taxes for small businesses could, in my opinion, potentially solve this issue. However, we won't know for certain until we determine how low we must go to see any change at all."
Kahli didn't know what to say.
"Yea, that's about the reaction I had, except with a fuckton of swearing. Do you want to read any more of the paper?"
Kahli shook her head and handed it back to Omar. He quickly burned it to a crisp.
"Fuck, I just love burning things. Say, if you ever get bored of any of those books you find in the archive, and you don't see much value in them any more, feel more than welcome to hit me up for a little bonfire!"
Kahli scrunched her face in confusion. "Isn't there a terrible historical precedent for that? I mean, isn't that the opposite I'm supposed to do as your apprentice? Isn't that the opposite you're supposed to do as a curator?"
"Absolutely not!" said Omar. "Half of the fun of curating is, you have to decide what to keep. Now, come on, think about it. Isn't there something you have that you might like to just totally fucking torch?"
Kahli dug into the recesses of her mind. And, against all odds, she thought of something.
"Great," said Omar with a wooden smile. "I'll call the mayor."
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The egg was cracking, and Madam Zthulhu and her daughter both were watching it with intense interest. Their jaws opened wide in synchronized gasps as a small, winged creature with soft, fluffy fur slowly stepped out. It didn't look particularly equine, and it inexplicably had two crooked spires poking out from its forehead instead of just one.
"Oh, wow, mom! There is it. Though, I thought that fonies just had one spire on their head?"
"Oh, don't worry about it, dear," said the Madam, determined to ignore any sign that she could've been wrong in guessing that this was a fony based on its absurd system description. "I've heard that when fonies mature, one of the spires falls off and the other moves to the center in its place."
"Oh. Okay, that makes sense," replied her daughter. "So, where'd you get it from? A breeder? Does it have a pedigree?"
"Oh, no," said the Madam with a light chuckle. "Don't you worry about where I got it from, love. Just take it, take it and enjoy."
"Okay, mom," said her daughter. "You don't have to tell me twice!" She grabbed the small fony and squeezed it tightly. "Oh my gods, mom, it is soo cute!"
Suddenly, the daughter gasped.
[Contact registered]
[Pairing]
"Mom, oh my gods!"
"What, dear?"
"I think this thing has a system! It's doing something to me with its system!"
[Pairing complete]
[You now have access to _____'s system]
"Holy shit, mom! Like, oh my gods, I just paired with it! I just paired with my new fony!" She was crying as she hugged the Madam with endless vigor, too much vigor, she felt like a vice.
[Please name _____ to continue]
"Oh my gods! Oh my gods, mom, I get to name my fony with my new system!"
"That's great, dear," replied the Madam.
[...]
[Please name _____ to continue]
"Ugh, wow, this system sure is impatient! Mom, oh my gods, what do you think I should name my fony? Oh my gods I'm so happy my makeup is running all over the place!" The Madam's daughter was right, her makeup was running so much she looked like a phantom raccoon.
"Oh, Taubitha, I don't really know what you ought to call this thing, honestly-"
Before Madame Zthulhu could say another word, the fony's jaw unhinged like a snake's and let loose a terrible blast of green acid that shot right through the Madam's heart, burning a wide cylinder through her body and draining the light from her huge, magnified eyes immediately.
"Mom!! MOM!! OH MY GODS!!"