Kahli wanted to attack the tamaven. She hated and detested the foul little bird. It was a cruel hearted, cruel minded, vindictive little thing that meant only the worst for her and her beloved... beloved... well, her beloved whatever-Froufrou-was.

But see, the problem was that Kahli had an idea. An idea that she thought was awfully good, in fact an idea that seemed so terribly good that she absolutely had to give it attention.

She wanted to see if her [Tale Teller] [skill] was enough against this feisty little tamaven. In fact, a part of her wondered if the tamaven itself had the [Tale Teller] [skill] just by nature of how well it had almost lied its way into getting her to go straight into the ruins and ignore her captured dragon friend. It was definitely possible, she thought.

"Hey, hey, wait a second, wait a second," Kahli held up both her hands, normal and living wood, and raised them at the tamaven.

What? What, do you think if you cry and beg I won't fucking destroy you? That I won't peck you to death? That's a fat chance, pipsqueak! Yea, that's right, pipsqueak! You're a tiny little tauman, I tell you what. You're nothing, and your weird little tentacle purse stinks to high hell.

"Her name is Froufrou, and she's not a purse, she just lives in there!" said Kahli defensively. Then, she took a deep breath. She had to calm down. She needed to keep a level head if she was to properly deceive this little tamaven. She cleared her throat.

What? What are you wasting all my time for? Seriously, what's your damage?

"Oh, no damage!" said Kahli in an upbeat tone as she did her best to smile at the little bird. "I was just looking in awe at what you've pulled off!"

WHAT?! Is there something wrong with my hearing? Are you happy that I caught your dragon friend or something?

Kahli just laughed and shook her head. "My friend? That obnoxious thing? That awful, terrible water dragon? Friend? Mine? That's just ridiculous, mister tamaven."

Oh really? What do you mean? There was a genuine tone in the bird's thought voice. And in that moment, Kahli knew that it was hooked.

"Well, you really don't know what it was like, riding on that dragon's back. Do you think I did that by choice? Oh, you silly, silly tamaven. I was forced into it! The dragon was keeping me hostage!"

But... Didn't you say it was taking you and your friends somewhere earlier?

Kahli took a deep breath. "No, not at all. I didn't tell you a thing, other than that I knew not where my friends were or where the dragon was. And that I was confused. And then you gave me that great and thorough explanation of nest insurance, which I found very interesting and valuable and relevant to my life as an adventuring tauman and not a bird that lives in nests and commits fraud relating to said nests."

The tamaven chirped proudly. Yes, that was a great explanation, wasn't it? I'm glad you have such good taste. It's a shame I'm going to have to sic my bird brained buddies on you, because I like you. I like the cut of your jib. Still, I can't help but call my buddies on you.

"Why?!" said Kahli, nervously stepping out the bush in case she ran out of time. She didn't want to get set on fire or anything. "Why do you still want to send your friends after me? Do you think I'm a snitch or something?"

Tamaven policy, replied the bird. We can't have anybody who's not a bird knowing about the massive amounts of insurance fraud we're committing right now. Do you realize the financial ramifications of this? This is one of the biggest jobs I've ever helped put off. It's all going to my retirement. If I don't turn you in, I'll end up dead ruled as suicide by two pecks to the back of the head.

Kahli tried to not laugh a little at that phrase. Two pecks to the back of the head. Nothing this bird talked about seemed entirely serious, because it was a bird. Finally, she lost control, and she started to laugh.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

What? Oh, you think I'm funny? You think I'm a joke? The tamaven was getting quite angry. I'll show you a joke! A joke is your life, and I'm ready for the punchline!

With that, the tamaven whistled and whooped and up swarmed the birds.

"Shit," said Kahli. "Wait a second, wait a second! I don't what to fight! I love you birds so much!" This was a last ditch effort to save herself with her [skill].

Oh?

Really, she loves us?

Loves? Us?

The tamavens continued to thought speak in confusion.

"Yes! Yes, I, I love tamaven, and, oh, by Theseosus' pincers, I... Um... I wish I could be a bird!"

[End scenario]

It was anticlimactic to, at that moment, return to the empty void.

Kahli stared into her purse at Froufrou. Froufrou squelched.

"I... don't know how to feel about that timeline," said Kahli. "I mean, I guess we didn't get to see whether the final lie worked. I can imagine what might happen if, by some odd chance, it did work - I can picture the birds inaugurating me as an honorary bird, getting some stick on tail feathers... And I can also picture what could happen if the lie doesn't work. I can imagine the birds pecking us both apart. I can imagine that happening even if the lie did work, honestly. I mean, Froufrou, what do you think? I just, well, I'd be hard pressed to find an argument for picking that timeline when I'd essentially have to keep up the charade that I wished I was a bird - I mean, that just sounds ridiculous. And it seems hard to believe."

Froufrou squelched thoughtfully. Indeed, it seemed to her that the second scenario was more compelling a choice, however, at the same time Froufrou did want Kahli to remember of the other times she'd lied. Froufrou did her best to get this across with a series of small squelches.

"Of course, to your point, Froufrou, it could be that the lie would work. I mean, so, I did lie to all those guys at the F.I.N.G.E.R. facility, convincing them that Agent 42 wasn't dead - somehow. But, then again, that took a lot of [checkpoints] in time to get right. Of course, even the stealthy option from scenario 2 would probably take a considerable amount of time and could also include some [checkpoints]. However, I like the idea of being able to vanquish the tamaven. I don't like the tamaven, and I don't like the idea of having to suck up to him and pretend that I was one of them. Do you have any objections?"

Froufrou squelched in the negative. She was all in on scenario 2.

"Perfect." Kahli looked down at the scenario. "Only... I wonder if I could improve this scenario somewhat. Like, would it be worth it to try and twist it before making a final decision?"

Of course, if she did that, Kahli would either have to pick the original or the twisted second scenario, but it still seemed like an ideal move. Froufrou squelched in agreeance that this was still a good move, considering the fact that there was really nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Kahli had to get some clarifications from her system on how the twisting worked, as she hadn't used it before, unlike Froufrou. Once she was feeling well up to speed, she started by activating her system meditation.

[Froufrou would like to join]

Kahli immediately accepted Froufrou's request and allowed her companion to help guide them in conjuring up thought forms. Kahli had been racking her brain to think of what could possibly be twisted in order to improve the scenario in her favor. Then, Froufrou replayed to her using meditative imagery a moment from the past, the moment wherein the tamaven talked about going back in time and pecking all of Kahli's bloodline. And with that, Kahli finally started to imagine what it was that she would twist about timeline two.

Once that was done, with a wicked grin, Kahli ended her meditation session.

[Twist complete]

[Now loading twisted scenario]

The tamaven just kept running its thought-mouth at Kahli, and it was pissing her off.

"Shut up!" said Kahli.

What? Did you seriously just tell me to shut up? Did you not hear me, you puny little tauman? I'm going to travel back in time and-

"Yea, yea, you're going to peck everybody in my bloodline. Sure you are. Only, do you know my surname?"

The tamaven was silent.

"Seriously? Tamavens are supposed to be dreadfully intelligent, with excellent reasoning and memory. Don't tell me you genuinely can't recognize who I am? You really can't think of my surname?"

The tamaven fluttered around, looking befuddled. Yea, I have no idea.

Kahli walked up to the little bird and whispered to it. And, when she finished, it was shaking in fear.

No... NO... Gods, no...

"YES!" said Kahli. "For ten generations my family has smited crooked tamavens like you, constantly kicking rocks at your ancestors! And now, it is your turn! Tell me something, mister tamaven - if you are indeed a mister - do you have any chicks?"

Yes, three. Their names are-

"Perfect!" said Kahli. "I don't want to end your bloodline, but I do want it to be tinged with shame. Behold, my big rock!" Kahli kicked the rock far away from the tamaven.

Wow, you've got shit aim. And to think I was scared of you.

Kahli just smirked and shook her head. "That's exactly what your great-great-great-great grandbird said."

And with a satisfying slam, the rock zoomed back into the tamaven and destroyed it in a flurry of feathers and rocky dust.

Kahli turned to Froufrou and smiled. It was time to take out the rest of these tamavens, stealth style.