Up to this point, my personal gift or ability was primarily reflective of fire and ice as it was most often felt as a rush of warmth and chills intermingled with other hints and flavors. However, now I was uncomfortably surprised by the much greater feeling of inequality. The chill now vastly overpowered the warmth. There had always been a bit of an imbalance present where the chills were more prevalent than the warmth, but I felt it was just a part of who I was.

It was somewhat reflective of how I imagined myself, being led only slightly more by cold logic and statuesque ideals as opposed to the fire of emotion and spontaneity. I was frequently on the lookout on how I might increase the warmth within my ability. I knew that each had its precious place in my life and decision making, and would forever be indispensable.

The increased faltering warmth greatly concerned me, and I felt that it was only due to the previously assimilated light potion that the heat did not go out altogether. I despaired of the thought that I might lose that side entirely.

Just as opposing charges on a magnet are attracted to each other, I yearned to stay connected to my creative and fiery side. Already I could imagine the expected pains that I would likely be undergoing. However, I believed that it would be worth it in the end.

This was no longer only a means to an end of finding the cure to my sister’s disease through virtual reality aid and training. Albeit incredibly painful, this was a precious opportunity to learn more about a gift which I had cultivated and held with appreciative intimacy for as long as I could remember. My personal discoveries regarding it had become stagnant for far too long. Here and now, with real changes and growth stirring within me, I knew that I had to jump at this chance. For when the opportunity of a lifetime whose promises you’ve already tasted beckons to you, do you turn back over and go to sleep because it is too hard, or do you rise to the challenge?

I will admit to having unwisely turned down many potential opportunities in the past, which gave promise to a fulfilling end. Those promises however lacked the impetus necessary to keep my interest or break me from my current distractions, sloth, and vices. Too often, it felt like all it had to offer was fragile hope. Hope that somehow at the end of the long tunnel of darkness, that there was something worth all that effort and agony experienced on the journey. If I was remarkably lucky, the journey through the tunnel may even by punctuated by an occasional dim overhead light by which to receive some little solace and continued guidance.

Curing my sister’s disease was one such hope. I was not guaranteed to succeed. There was no divine messenger, incremental improvement to the current treatment formula, or other undeniable signs promising that my efforts would result in the desired outcome. All I had to go on was faith and hope. However, here and now with this experience of elemental assimilation, I felt on a deep visceral level a change being wrought within me. I felt like my weakness and impurities of mind and body were being crushed under the weight of earthen gravity, blinded with searing light, and frozen by the harshest of cold.

I could feel the changes within my very essence as I was being actively reshaped into something more than I could have ever possibly hoped for or anticipated.

So, No. I was not done with these trials, and I would keep going until there was no option otherwise to stop.

“Perhaps we should continue this another time.” Victoria voiced her concern as she appeared shaken by the trials I had undergone.

“No.” It didn’t come out loudly. My voice even cracked a little from the residual stressors placed upon it. But that singularly spoken word held my fervent conviction to press on with the trials.

.

.

.

I could see from her eyes that it wasn’t enough to convince my master. Gertrude however was another matter. She was already organizing the next set of stones she believed I should take.

Locking gazed with Victoria I let my eyes and heart do the convincing. I felt the three elements which I had previously assimilated stir within the depths of my core with a heightened intensity as if re-affirming my desire. The next words out of my mouth came unbidden, yet they reflected my hope. “For my sake, I ask that you allow me to keep going.”

After a deep breath I continued. “I can feel the stimulation of my ability here.” Pressing my now healed hands against my core at the base of my rib cage, I almost felt like the threads or swirls of my energy were encompassing my hand with this gesture. “These assimilations are developing and refining it into something far more than it was before.”

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I watched her eyes and face as the fears and concerns she held warred with the fervent request I had made. I hoped that the seriousness of my request persuaded my teacher and her friend to continue in aiding me. Without their aid, I believe that while I might still potentially survive the experience, yet the risks would be far greater. This would be in addition to the fact that I might have to suffer in even greater prolonged agony, in order to make sure I passed the trial adequately before dying from the latent effects.

I chuckled darkly and quietly to myself as my mind was already making contingency plans in the case of her denial. It was sometimes a flaw and other times a boon in which if I were to be denied a pathway to something I deemed vitally important, then I’d begin balancing the pros and cons in regard to finding an alternate path to my destination. In this case it would be venturing solo with the elemental potion assimilation.

The result of my mental math and alternate planning was unfortunately disheartening in this case. Unassailable logic was hard to argue against.

Due to the six day in-VR death penalty, it wouldn’t be practical to go solo with the assimilation. In addition to likely having to pay for my own potions in this risky venture, I’d likely only get through two of them before dying. The first one I could survive due to touching the Travelers’ stone where I could utilize the once-a-day healing opportunity. The second time, I’d likely die eventually from the after-effects.

Thinking back to the falls, I really lucked out on the earthen trial not being as deadly as the others save for possible suffocation from entombment. I blanched a little at the thought of suffocating to death. That was certainly not on my bucket list of thrilling things to do before I die.

All of this processed in my mind as I continued to watch Victoria battle with her concerns and my desires. Finally, she let out a sigh before speaking up. “I can accept you doing two more today with them being fire and water.” As I opened my mouth to further bargain with her, she held her hand up to forestall me before continuing. “If you prove to be fully recovered with no lasting sequalae we can continue this tomorrow to finish up air, lightning, and nature.” Her expression hardened at that point as she added. “I will not budge on this as I care too much for you to overly risk your future.” Her eyes softened at the end before reaching out to ruffle my hair.

That expression of teasing endearment sent a gentle rush of slightly warmed chills through me from her physical contact. With a nod of my head and determination abounding, I requested the fire potion to be next.

Gertrude’s eyes widened with delight, then together she and Victoria actually took to arguing a bit over the use of one or two fire types. As it pertained to me, I focused in on what they were saying.

Victoria wanted to give me a single alchemical fire stone, which she said would benefit me in creating potions as it was made specifically for that purpose. Gertrude agreed with the use of that stone, but additionally wanted to add a lava stone into the mix.

I was quite strongly considering taking Victoria’s advice in this case after my latest experience with the ice element. However, if it was possible to equalize the feelings of warmth and chills more by using a fire stone and separate lava stone, I was going to take it.

After giving my opinion and preference, it wasn’t long before Victoria left with both stones and then came back with another prepared potion. Following my consumption of the fiery molten solution I felt dread like no other.

This was by far the worst of the assimilations when it came to initial pain.

Fire by itself and its many forms can be beautiful, majestic, and cleansing among its positive manifestations. When touched to a living body with intact nerve endings, it is anything but those positive inspirations. It is terrifying, agonal, and utterly destructive.

My very flesh cooked within the trace covering of magma which grew over my skin. Loud moans of pain that I didn’t even attempt to suppress escaped from my burnt lips.

Before the heat of the flames seared away my vision, I believe I saw both Victoria and Gertrude paling at the sight and turning away in pained avoidance.

As my vision had turned white, red, and then black, my insides cooked my flesh cracked, and bodily juices sizzled in the all-encompassing heat.

Regret filled me in this moment as I continued to experience this agony.

I had thought that this mind numbingly severe pain would be infinitely more bearable when I knew that it would be but a fleeting moment, and yet as I suffered within the depths of this agony, I wanted nothing more than to simply end it no matter if it failed.

And yet. . . a small part of me, almost lost amidst the pain, was able to remind me that a full recovery was but moments away. That, along with worthwhile rewards immediately given upon completion kept me from abandoning the trial and escaping into reality.

In retrospect, suffering is entirely different when the rewards are not so easily dispensed nor recognized.

For example, when you set a goal for yourself to lose weight or improve your overall physique and mental health. Weight loss and improvement of health through diet, exercise, and other productive lifestyle changes is a far more difficult endeavor in my opinion. The constant struggle with frequently indistinguishable returns, is disheartening. In addition, the need for breaking numerous deeply embedded behavioral patterns in order to change one’s life for the better, places a terrible burden and draw on an individuals limited will-power.

Many self-help books promote the method of starting small. Making your bed, going for a short walk, and making a simple healthy meal are doorways to feeling a sense of accomplishment. Simple they may be in the eyes of those not suffering from certain struggles in life, however, quite often that which may be easy for us who struggle so much, may be considered insurmountable to others. Too often, we see those who in the light of day appear to be living the optimal life, and we feel jealousy, envy, and depression at our own lacking. Yet we know not what happens behind the closed doors and shuttered windows of a friendly neighbor’s home.

This elongated moment of severe pain by fire and molten earth ended just like the other trials. A sip and splash of healing water, a return of my vision and faculties through the use of expensive elixirs after a ravaging of itchy recovery, and I was brought back to a health with my latest gift.

Like a tiny furnace with blazing coals, this newest element of the fire essence in my core, spread thin tendrils of heat across my body. I felt so much more whole and alive with this addition.