To Kaitlyn's credit, she managed to not immediately run to the bathroom and hide this time. Instead, she simply froze like a deer in headlights.
Alex, Cedric, and Rachel chatted away amicably as they waited in the loose line that had formed in front of Heather. The girl took their payments one at a time before directing them toward Kaitlyn and her stockpots of mac and cheese.
Ced and Rach aren't holding hands. A distant part of her mind registered the fact. Guess them getting together might not have changed anything across loops, then. Though maybe it did.
After a moment, Kaitlyn tore her eyes away from the trio. Her hands trembled slightly as she continued serving up food. Ok. Calm down, Kaitlyn. This is going to go better than last time. I'll make it go better. I can survive. Besides, you've been trying to get over him anyway, right? This is just a test to see where you're at. A pop quiz.
The line inched forward with agonizing slowness until Alex reached the front of the line. Sure enough, she saw Heather freeze for a moment upon making eye contact with him.
"Hi!" Her smile's brightness went from a candle to a bonfire in an instant. "What's your name?"
"Alex." The athlete responded. "I should be down for three meals, I think?"
Heather scrolled quickly through her phone. "Alex? Nice to meet you! I'm Heather. Looks like I got you right here." With a satisfied nod, she checked the guy off. "Perfect! You're all paid, too! That's like, so convenient! Go ahead and grab 'em from Kaitlyn back there."
She saw it happen. Heather's familiar calculating look was right in front of her. And yet, strangely… the sight of her roommate pouncing on Alex didn't fill her with the same raging jealousy as it once had. Instead, she just felt hollowness. Hollowness and a distant sense of loss.
He's not mine anymore, anyway. Though I still wouldn't want to doom him to Heather's clutches again…
"Hey!"
She snapped back to the present as Alex approached, his tall figure looming over her. "You're Kaitlyn?"
She tried to keep the bitterness out of her smile. "Yeah. I am. You had three meals?"
"That's me!"
Nodding, she mechanically served him up. Now that I think about it, it's pretty close to the end of the loop. I wonder…
"You guys are on the cross country team, right?"
"Yeah!" Alex beamed proudly. "All three of us, actually!"
Cedric frowned from behind him. "How did you know?"
"I've seen you running around campus", she lied. "I heard Nationals was just a few days ago, right?"
Rachel nodded. "Indeed it was. Alex here did quite well, actually. He got fifth place out of the whole field."
"Congrats." Kaitlyn smiled at him.
"Eh, I could've done better." Alex scratched his neck abashedly.
"Could've done better…" Cedric mumbled.
"Don't get me wrong, it was pretty good, but just wait till next year!"
Inwardly, she couldn't help but feel guilty at the slight bit of relief that washed through her. Fifth. It was almost his best placing, but not quite. When she'd gotten his romance ending, he'd managed to get third overall.
It's still impressive and way better than the twenty-fifth he did on his own. Guess that's another thing that's changed since that ending. But I guess he's not exactly as he was. He even talks differently.
As she closed up the last box, Kaitlyn hesitated. The boxes were generously sized, but she'd seen this guy eat. This isn't going to get close to filling him up. Rach will be fine, and Ced should be ok if he ate some pizza like I heard. But if Alex hasn't eaten yet…
Before she could change her mind, she stacked an extra box on top and pushed them toward Alex. "Here. On the house."
"Wait, really?" His eyes widened.
"Yeah. To celebrate doing so well at Nationals.
His smile lit up with genuine elation. "Awesome, thanks!"
"I wish I got extra…" Cedric grumbled and crossed his arms behind his friend.
Alex smirked over his shoulder. "Just gotta practice harder. Then maybe you'll get free mac and cheese too!"
"You can always buy an extra, as well." Rachel chimed in.
"It's not about the mac and cheese. It's about the principle of the thing…"
With that, the trio took their meals and headed back toward the stairwell. Alex sent her one last wave and a grin. One that was all too familiar, yet completely different. He seemed more confident and self-assured, somehow. It was just another reminder of the fact that this wasn't her Alex.
…That didn't go so bad. Kaitlyn let out a long breath as the door clicked behind them. I guess time really has done SOMETHING, at least. Though definitely not as much as I hoped…
As the line of waiting students shrank, then dispersed entirely, Kaitlyn sat in a nearby chair with a heavy sigh. What's wrong with me? It feels like little stuff keeps just setting me off lately. Too many mentions of family or Alex or some other connection to the past, I guess. It's not nearly as bad as it was, but still… I feel like it's getting harder to ignore this stuff.
Someone plunked into the chair next to her. Glancing over, Heather leaned back with her arms and legs extended in a stretch. "Phew! Omigosh, that felt like it took forever. Thank goodness we've got a break before the next group. My neck is killing me."
"Yup. Same." Kaitlyn nodded simply.
"By the way…" The blonde leaned forward expectantly, her blue eyes sparkling. "I saw you talking to that Alex guy. Do you, like, have a crush on him?"
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She paused, thinking about it for a second. I should say yes. It'll make sure Heather doesn't take Alex down the bad ending route. But the real question is… do I?
It would be easy to say yes. Based on how she'd reacted, she certainly cared for the guy on some level still. But then, why hadn't the jealousy flared up? Was that just a matter of her becoming more mature?
Still, Heather's asking me outright about this. I should probably make use of it.
"...I think so." Kaitlyn hedged. "Maybe. Do you?"
"Me?" Heather leaned back in surprise. "Like, that's totally out of nowhere!"
"You think so?" Kaitlyn shrugged. "You certainly seemed interested. I'm sure he didn't pick up on it though."
Heather stared at her, then grinned slyly. "Wow, Kate, you're more perceptive than I thought."
"Call it intuition." She stood to stir the pots a bit. "So? I'm right?"
"...I dunno." Heather sighed, leaning forward onto the table. "It's tempting, sure, but I'm not completely sold."
"Are you just saying that to throw me off the scent?"
Heather chuckled. "Gosh, Kate! You say that like I'm some kinda evil mastermind!" At Kaitlyn's askance look, Heather huffed. "I'm serious. If you really are interested, that's kinda a dealbreaker. I can't go starting problems with my business partner and roommate, now can I? That's just a recipe for disaster!"
Yeah, that makes sense. Kaitlyn nodded. "I think I'm interested. I haven't seen him around a lot, but… there's something there."
"Oh, I have him on CappieAppie!" Whipping out her phone, Heather scrolled through it madly. "We connected so he could order. Here, he's this one if you wanna add him!"
Kaitlyn hid her shock at how helpful Heather insisted on being. It could be another misdirection, of course. But her logic made sense. The blonde had a lot more to lose now from Kaitlyn being upset at her than ever before. And if she already considered her perceptive, then maybe Heather didn't feel confident in sneaking around her back. She was nothing if not pragmatic, after all.
"Do you think he has a girlfriend? Like that girl with him?"
She shook her head, rousing herself from her musings. "Maybe? Hard to tell."
"Well, I hope not. Though if he does…" Heather waggled her eyebrows. "Just say the word."
Kaitlyn's own eyebrows shot to her forehead. "What does that mean?"
"It means I'm good at this stuff, silly!" Her roommate flapped a hand. "Romance, I mean. Even the more… aggressive approaches, if you know what I mean."
Yeah. I know. She suppressed a shiver. I really am glad she's on my side this time.
As the evening went on, Kaitlyn's mind returned to Alex time and time again. The guy had changed, as if she'd needed a reminder of that. He'd grown.
He's better than he was, sure, but then… is he even the same person? Obviously not, if he doesn't remember me. I've been over this. He's not my Alex, we didn't grow together. But then… who is he?
She wasn't entirely sure how to answer that. Ostensibly, he was the same person who had ended that fateful loop, just with some memories wiped. Right?
But I don't know for sure. At the very least, I don't even know what a relationship with him would look like now. If we tried to start again… what could I really offer him? He doesn't need me to learn about coping with failure anymore, obviously. Maybe he doesn't need me at all.
Is he even the same person I liked ? Could we ever have something special again? Even when I know how it'll end?
Hours later, after finishing the last of the meal prep orders, Heather's question continued to echo in her mind. Did she have a crush on Alex? Did she still like him?
I don't know.
***
Kaitlyn stepped into the familiar dining area of Chella's Italian Bistro dressed in her best formal attire. Once again, she walked through the door as a customer instead of a dishwasher. After how much fun it had been the first time, she'd made sure to save up for the little outing again.
As she settled into one of the empty tables – further away from the door, this time – a formally-dressed Philip appeared with a menu. "Good evening, Kaitlyn."
"Hey, Philip." She greeted him with a smile. "How's the night been?"
"It's been quiet thus far. I expect many of our usual patrons are at another event this evening." He produced a bottle of chilled water and began to pour her a glass. "May I ask if you are dining with us for a particular occasion?"
"I just wanted to celebrate a bit," she shrugged. "Making it through the semester is kind of a nice thing, you know? And the meal prep business has been doing great, so I figured I'd treat myself a little."
"I see. How did you fare in your classes?"
"Great, actually." She perked up a bit. "Straight A's. Well, unless you count the programming class I was auditing. That one I got a high C. Almost a B, but not quite…"
Acing her classes felt far less impressive the fourth time around. If anything, Kaitlyn felt more frustration that she'd only managed a high C in programming. Between Philip's help and the amount of time poured into it, she felt like she should have done far better. But grades didn't lie. She'd even specifically asked for Philip's help in grading some of the assignments to ensure she wasn't biased, since the professor left that responsibility up to her.
"Congratulations," he nodded. "As for the programming class, it is only to be expected that you would dedicate less time and resources to it. However, I look forward to your continued improvement in that area."
"Don't worry. I'm definitely going to keep practicing." More than you know.
"Perhaps I can start you off with another beverage? Or an appetizer?"
"Actually…" Kaitlyn grinned. "Can I get the bruschetta?"
Philip nodded. "Of course. Anything else?"
After the guy told her the special for the night, he glided off to the kitchen to put in her order. Kaitlyn couldn't help but grin. The success of Kate's Kitchen meant she'd saved a bit more money than last time for this meal. And that meant she could try more options.
The meal went on just as it had last time, with Scarra sending out plenty of freebies and Philip acting the part of the professional. She even ordered the lamb chop special, having ensured that she'd be able to afford it ahead of time. The taste was just as incredible as she'd hoped.
At the end of the night, once she was stuffed and finished with her complimentary tiramisu, she meandered back to the kitchen once more. "That was amazing! Scarra, that lamb might be the best thing I've ever eaten!"
He snorted. "Don't pat yourself on the back too hard."
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Did you forget you made that chimichurri yesterday? What else did you think I was usin' it for, huh?"
Kaitlyn's eyes widened in shock. "That… That was mine?! I thought you tossed it!"
"And waste perfectly good ingredients?" The burly man crossed his hairy arms. "Not a chance. I needed to tweak it a bit to make it edible, sure, but not much. Lucky for you."
The revelation sent her heart soaring. I not only made a sauce, but Scarra actually used it. This is it. I might have peaked.
Chella chuckled at Kaitlyn's expression. "Oh, dear. I I think you've made her short-circuit, honey."
"Feh." Scarra turned back to the stove. "Don't let your head get too big. I said it needed work, didn't I?"
"Yes, chef!" The massive grin didn't leave her face. "I'll do better next time!"
After chatting with the couple for a bit longer, she turned to head home. But before she reached the kitchen door, Philip called out to her.
"Wait."
She blinked. Right. Forgot a jacket again. That makes sense. Turning toward the server, she cocked her head. However, instead of offering her his jacket, he turned toward Chella.
"Do you mind particularly if I drive Kaitlyn home? The night is cold, and I doubt it would be a comfortable walk. Not to mention that business is slow." He glanced at Kaitlyn. "Unless you'd prefer to walk, obviously."
"Of course!" The woman clapped happily. "That's awfully nice of you, Philip. We'll hold down the fort here."
Scarra grunted, but didn't object. Philip turned back to her, his gaze steady as he awaited a response.
Wait, really? She simply stared for a moment. Wow. That's way more than offering a jacket. Kind of going the extra mile, isn't it? But why?
"Uh, sure!" She spluttered. "If it's no trouble, I mean. You really don't have to."
"No trouble at all," Philip confirmed. "We will head out whenever you're ready."