Cold. Why the fuck is it so cold?

I had been counting sheep inside my nice, cozy apartment and in my nice, cozy bed, so I was rightfully fucking confused.

That there were what looked like honest-to-God ropes around my wrists wasn't helping my panicking either. Did I just get Hostel'd? And why—

"Hey, you. You're finally awake."

…

Fuck, it was funny, but hearing those words actually helped with calming down. It was just a dream.

Still, it was kinda messing with my head how real everything looked and felt.

There was also something, or someone, out of place. A giant of a woman, with strawberry blonde hair and angry blue eyes.

Her armor, if you could call it that, was a haphazard mess of metal and leather that didn't even try to hide her thick fucking thighs, so I just chalked it up to some fetish fuel my sex-deprived brain produced. It had been a bit.

All of those thoughts fled as a wind so cold that I could probably feel it in my soul swept over me. It left me huddling in on myself, wondering why a dream like that would think it was a good idea to try and turn me into a human popsicle. I couldn't pinch myself awake like this, so I did the next best thing, which was giving myself a good bonk on the forehead.

"What's the matter with you?" Thunder Thighs asked. "You're not a madman, are you?"

A figment of my imagination asking me if I was crazy…

I looked at her again, trying to think of something smart to say when Ralof spoke again. "What's your story? You don't have the look of a Nord like the rest of our sorry lot here."

I tried, but it felt like I'd just finished gargling sand.

"We have the horse thief, and the lovely lass here," he continued with an easy smile. It weakened slightly when she gave him the cold shoulder. "No secrets amongst the damned, is there?"

Something maybe funny did come to mind. "I was sharing a few drinks with Sam," I finally got out through dry lips, "the next thing I know…"

I gestured around, drawing a chuckle from him.

"I can't say I know the man, but it sounds like a good time. Just a shame it landed you with us, eh?"

"Yeah," I muttered under my breath. This fucking cold didn't quit.

Thunder Thighs was still looking at me funny, while Ulfric fucking Stormcloak behind her was staring at nothing in particular.

"Look at him, General Tullius the Military Governor." My eyes followed Ralof's, giving me my first look at Helgen. It only vaguely looked like I remembered. "And it looks like the Thalmor are with him. Damn elves. I bet they had something to do with this."

I looked past the very Roman looking man at Elenwen, with her golden skin and black ensemble. Our eyes caught as if she noticed, and I gave her a wink that had her looking away with a small sneer.

It was always fun messing with her or the Thalmor, bunch of wacky omnicidal elves that they were.

The cart soon came to a stop, where a woman with a very familiar voice and a severe case of resting bitch face had us dragged out. Next the guy next to me would try and escape before being turned into a pincushion.

Though maybe I could stop it? It's my dream, after all.

I elbowed him in the side. "I wouldn't try and make a run for it." I pointed out the archers. "They'd use you for target practice."

The fight quickly went out of him, and he went back to muttering prayers under his breath. Kinda anticlimactic.

"You there, the giant strumpet and the fool next to her," that shrill voice shouted again. "Step up."

The 'giant strumpet' turned to stare at Captain Resting Bitch Face with eyes so cold they could strike a man dead.

Wait. Did she just call me a fool? Rude.

"Names?" An equally familiar voice asked softly.

"Skadi of Ivarstead," Thunder Thighs proudly answered.

"At the base of the Throat of the World?" Hadvar's eyes turned on me after. "And you?"

I almost told him Hadvar, just to fuck with him. But that would probably be too on the nose. "Leman Russ," I said instead, the first name that came to mind.

He seemed skeptical. "Where are you from?"

"Fenris. You wouldn't have heard of it."

Hadvar dutifully checked anyway. "Captain, they're not on the list."

His boss didn't give a solitary fuck. "Forget the list, they go to the block."

"Is this how Imperial justice is meted out these days?" a certain someone spat, staring them both down. "I am no Stormcloak. I swear it."

Hadvar was sympathetic, maybe, but he wasn't calling the shots here anyway.

"You were found with them," Captain Resting Bitch Face hissed, "you're as much a traitor in my eyes. The Empire has spent enough blood and coin on you oathbreakers."

Then, like clockwork, I heard a roar.

I looked back in time to see Tullius make his way to our little posse. "What is the matter here, Cassia? Get on with it."

The giant of a woman pointed at him accusingly. "Is this the Empire I remember, or a pack of bandits, eager for innocent blood?"

"You can be given your last rites, or you can be run through, here and now." The older man's eyes were cold and pitiless despite her towering over him.

I took a peek at the sky, still blue. This might turn into a clusterfuck before Alduin even dropped in. But what did I care? I was still one step removed from a popsicle, and everyone was ignoring me anyway.

What a shitty dream this was…

Captain Resting Bitch Face had drawn her sword as another roar sounded, this one closer. It finally set off a panic, but it was too late now.

I looked up just in time to see a furious mass of black scatter the clouds.

"What in Oblivion is that?"

"It's in the clouds!"

Alduin landed with enough force to crack the stone tower, and then the words, the shouts, cracked the sky apart in much the same way. Suddenly, it wasn't so cold anymore. It also looked really fucking cool, even if I'd secretly been hoping that Thomas the Tank Engine would pop out instead.

Everyone proceeded to fucking scatter, the argument forgotten. Well, almost everyone.

I saw her having a staring contest with Alduin now. Wait. Was this supposed to be a big damn hero moment on my part?

With courage born from all of this being a dream anyway, I made it to her, and not knowing how else to get her attention, gave her long hair a pull. Which, honestly, was easier said than done with just how tall she was. But it worked.

She quickly looked around, taking everything in. "We can't stay here."

"You think?" But she had already thundered off, so what could I do but follow her? At least until some of the falling sky—

—I was staring up at the sky again, more red than blue now, and I couldn't hear shit. Why the fuck haven't I woken up already?

It had to be the magic mushrooms I took a few days ago. Delayed bad acid trip, maybe?

I felt myself being unceremoniously tossed over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and even the sight of an impressive backside didn't do much to improve my mood.

My ride suddenly lurched up the stairs, and she didn't even hesitate before jumping through the breach. I felt the impact of her hard landing, and then another when she kicked a door clean off its hinges with her fucking thunder thighs.

It didn't end until I found my miserable body being unceremoniously dumped on the floor. "You'll live. Arm took the worst of it."

I took a deep breath and finally looked.

…

Fuck. My left arm looked like somebody had taken sandpaper to parts of it, red and blotchy, and looking at must have reminded my body that it was supposed to hurt like a motherfucker.

"Some didn't get off so lucky," she muttered again, and I saw what she was talking about. There was a guy lying face down a few feet away, his back and head completely covered in burns, his clothes almost having fused to his skin. And the smell. I just noticed it.

I never wanted to know what burnt flesh smelled like, and I didn't fucking feel like I got off lucky either. I shoulda already been sipping on a nice, hot cup of coffee right about now, but nooooo…

There was just one thought that came to my mind. Fuck you, Todd. I want a refund.

Thunder Thighs soon returned with an axe that looked like a toy in her hands, freeing my hands with a stroke.

"We're the only ones who made it," someone said after a sigh. Probably Ralof. Sounded like him. "That thing was a dragon. The harbingers of the End Times…"

"Bah." The clang of metal drew both our attention to the doors. "Locked." Then she suddenly went still. "Footsteps. We might have a fight on our hands."

Great. Wonderful.

Ralof proceeded to drop an axe in my hands, but I only had a few short seconds to even get a feel for it before the doors opened, revealing Captain Resting Bitch Face.

She never got the chance to make a peep as seven feet of woman immediately ran her over, and Ralof shunted his own axe into a surprised soldier's neck, the squirt of blood downright obscene. This wasn't a dream, this was a fucking nightmare.

And just my fucking luck, one of the soldiers noticed me, axe in hand, and fucking ran at me with a hysterical cry.

I forgot all about how much my arm hurt in that moment, the only thing in the world being the screaming man running at me.

Out of sheer desperation, and not knowing what else I could do, I screamed back at him like a fucking lunatic, and then I tripped him. His surprised face quickly met the floor with a sickening crack, blood spurting from a broken nose as he was knocked out cold.

I was breathing hard, and my heart felt like it was trying to tear out of my chest. It was just too fucking real. All of it.

I leaned back against the stone wall, my left arm stinging like a bitch again. For a moment it had felt like I could take on the world, but that was gone now. The smell of burnt flesh was joined by another smell now, thick and metallic. Blood.

My eyes were unfortunately drawn to the sounds of someone gasping for breath. Captain Resting Bitch Face was dangling a foot off the ground, her legs kicking helplessly. "Giant strumpet, was it?" Skadi hissed, ignoring the hands clawing at her arm.

It was fucking brutal. I looked at Ralof, but he just shrugged as he continued to loot the bodies.

"I'd just give her a clean death, but she seems rather aggrieved."

And what the fuck was I going to do? Get in between them? I already tried playing the hero, and all I got were these burns.

"The Empire's supposed to keep the peace, not act like bandits," she hissed again. Then she threw the smaller woman away like yesterday's trash, the once proud woman wheezing like one of those squeaky toys. "We should keep moving."

Ralof chuckled as he watched her stalk through the doors. "I think we should tag along. Worst comes to worst, she might try and wrestle the dragon herself."

I sighed as I followed after both of them, trying not to look at the bodies at my feet.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

I couldn't even blame Truck-kun or any of his friends. All I remembered was going to sleep. Lights out, lights on.

Walking into a familiar room that also stank of blood, and worse, I was just in time to see Skadi knee some poor fucker in the balls hard enough to lift him a whole two feet into the air. Ralof, meanwhile, was doing his best to stick his axe into the creepy-looking fuck lobbing lightning at him.

Magic. That's what I needed.

The two seemed to have things well in hand, so I looked around, finding a cage with a dead man in it. I didn't know the first thing about picking a lock, but then it hit me.

I slammed the axe down on the rusty lock, the top of it collapsing after a few blows. Easy enough.

Inside, I still did my best not to think about what I was actually doing. I found two sturdy glass vials with a shimmering blue liquid inside, one full to the brim and one half empty; potions, probably.

Fortunately, the pants I'd gone to bed in had some pockets to stuff them inside of. A little more looting later, I finally found what I was looking for.

I had just cracked the musty thing open and laid my eyes on a page when it vanished from my hands, leaving me with the mother of all headaches. Magicka. Mundus. Aetherius.

I knew the lore, even some of the wacky shit, but this was more like a fucking calc textbook had been shoved through my skull.

Still, seeing as I was soon watching electricity springing from my fingers like I was fucking Palpatine, I think it was worth it. I only cut it out when I felt… it was hard to describe. Like something was hollowing me out, maybe.

"Dead?" Ralof asked behind me. He was probably asking about the corpse. "Talos watch over him."

I turned back around to find him wiping blood off his axe, a shiny new knife on his hip. He was a practical man if nothing else.

We continued deeper underground, stone walls turning into something more earthy and mossy. It gave me some time to think, for all the good it did. I still had a headache, and thinking about it just made me want to stop thinking about it.

The giantess paused. "Hear that?"

I frowned, looking around. Wasn't this where…

Swallowing, I looked up, and wished I hadn't. The ceiling was moving, and covered in eyes. Then they began to fall.

I wasn't doing much thinking at that point. I just started blasting.

There was something infinitely cathartic about watching them pop like eggs in a microwave, and for the first time it actually felt like a dream. I didn't feel fucking useless, and it didn't even matter that I couldn't aim for shit, there were just that many. Though I also felt it again, that feeling of being hollowed out.

Thankfully, the spiders made a run for it just as I was beginning to feel like a stick man.

Skadi punted one that had stuck around too long, and then she gave me a look. "I should have known. Haven't met a mage that wasn't a madman."

I snorted. Pot, meet kettle. Still, I probably shouldn't mention that I'd only picked up magic maybe fifteen minutes ago.

Ralof was more friendly. "I'll not complain. Faced enough of the Empire's battlemages to know their value."

I didn't tell him I only just knew the one spell either.

I also hoped that hollow feeling would fuck off, but no luck. What did help was knocking back one of those potions I found, the funky taste of glue and blue raspberry returning some life to my limbs.

"A she-bear," Ralof whispered after we stopped again. "Shall we sneak around her?"

"I'm not the best sneak thief," Skadi grumped with some embarrassment. With fucking thunder thighs like hers, that didn't surprise me. "How about we make a game of it. Whoever deals the killing stroke gets her hide?"

Ralof chuckled again as he twirled his axe. "Sounds like fun."

Their definition of fun was clearly out of whack. That thing made even her look small in comparison.

I didn't trust myself to try and pull another Palpatine moment, being just as likely to hit them as the bear, so I just awkwardly approached behind them.

It was only beginning to stir when Skadi's axe bit deep into its ribs, only to roar in pain as Ralof sliced into the other side. They kept it on the backfoot like that, hacking away at it again and again.

I saw more than one opening to try and get a hit in myself, but somehow I wasn't the biggest fan of approaching a fucking unit of a bear. Real mystery as to why.

I still went for it, just as the head turned away from me. It was a bad habit of mine, wanting to impress the girl. Even in this case, where she could turn me into a pretzel if she wanted to.

It was hard to explain what happened next. I had screamed like a lunatic again as I tried to bring my axe down hard on its spine, and there was a sound like something breaking, glass, maybe, but that wasn't what had me tripping balls.

I died? I wasn't fast enough, and with an uncanny speed, it locked its teeth around my throat. But at the same time, I was fast enough, hacking through the spine, the impact even traveling through my bones painfully.

In the end, I was still standing, and the bear more than twice the size of me was not.

Skadi let out an almost girlish whoop, while me? I just marveled at my sheer balls. Did I even have the excuse of thinking this was a dream anymore?

"You really are a madman, aren't you, Russ? Throwing yourself at her like that." Despite her words, it was the first time she looked at me with anything approaching respect, even if that wasn't actually my name.

Ralof handed me the knife I saw earlier. "Try and make it quick. I'd like to feel the sun on my face again."

I took it, but I didn't have a clue what to do with it.

"Never skinned a bear before?" Right. Not that I never skinned anything in my life. "I'll do it, and consider us even."

So she did remember me knocking her out of her funk. I handed the knife to her, and our eyes caught for a moment.

"It's not a skinning knife, but it'll do." The moment was ruined as soon as she started.

I might have gotten used to the bloodshed through sheer fucking osmosis, but seeing a still bleeding bear butchered right in front of me, the sounds of the knife scraping against bone…

At least she worked quickly.

Throwing the hide over her shoulder after, she pushed her hair out of her eyes and got back on her feet. "I'll do the rest when we make camp for the night."

She threw the knife to Ralof, who leaned down to take off some of the meat. "Something to fill our bellies tonight," he commented. "A shame to leave the rest of her to rot, but we'll want to move quickly if we don't want to run into the Empire again."

The light at the end of the tunnel in this case meant a run-in with the fair weather of Skyrim again. Let's just say I wasn't a fan.

I did see something that caught my eye, another familiar sight.

"Haven't seen these three since I was a boy," Ralof said with some nostalgia.

I walked over to the one with what looked like a wizard carved into the stone. Reaching out, I touched a hand to it, but if it was supposed to do something, I wasn't seeing it.

"Always preferred the warrior myself," Skadi commented as she leaned against another, giving me a grin. "Nothing like splitting skulls and breaking bones."

After that colorful comment, she looked away in the direction of the mountains.

"The Throat of the World," she continued in a whisper. "I should make the journey home to Ivarstead, tell my family what we just saw. But I find myself drawn north, and I don't know why."

I could guess why, but somehow I didn't think she would believe me. The real question was what the fuck I was doing here.

I couldn't get that nagging question off my mind even as I helped Ralof spark a fire once the sun began to set, and it somehow got even colder. I never had bear before, but then I'd never axed a bear either. Maybe it was because I was starving, but it was the sweetest meat I ever tasted.

I watched Skadi work on the hide after, her brows scrunching together in a way I thought was kinda cute.

If this was actually a dream of mine, then she would be working with the same determination on something else, or, knowing myself, probably fighting over who would get to go first with Captain Resting Bitch Face. Eventually, of course, they would have decided to make it a team effort.

Seeing as none of that was happening, I was starting to worry that I might actually be stuck here.

"There." I caught what looked like a cloak with an oof. It was heavy. "You'll still have to get it cured properly, but it should keep you warm for the time being."

I tried to throw it over my shoulders, but ended up practically burying myself under it instead, leaving her giggling like a schoolgirl.

Our eyes caught again, and the firelight made hers look like two twin sapphires.

Fuck it.

"There's room enough for two," I said, staring her down. Kinda. "We could share it for tonight… or for however many nights we end up sharing together. It seems we're both going north."

I could see I caught her off guard, and for a few heartbeats she looked like a deer in headlights.

"You just keep surprising," she muttered under her breath. It tickled me seeing her so shy all of a sudden, but then she scooted closer, lying on her side on the soft grass next to me. "No funny business," she warned. "You try something and I'll snap it in half."

I didn't need to ask for clarification about what 'it' was.

Despite the warning, I couldn't help admiring her for a moment. Up close, she was even more impressive, especially her long legs. I'd seen the damage she could do with them.

I also noticed faded sky blue lines running across her body, mostly around her thighs and belly.

"Are you waiting for the sun to rise?" she complained.

Right. I lied down facing her, pulling the cloak over the both of us. I just wasn't expecting her to suddenly snuggle up to me, entangling her legs with mine.

I sure as shit didn't complain.

"You said you were heading north?" she asked, drawing my eyes to hers again.

I quietly racked my brain for an answer. "The College of Winterhold."

She snorted, not surprised. But then that was the point.

I could tell she wanted to ask something more, but she seemed to think better of it, her eyes sleepy. She pulled me in even closer instead, and apparently I graduated from sack of potatoes to teddy bear. Again, I didn't complain.

For maybe the first time, I didn't actually want to wake up, but I could feel myself starting to nod off anyway. I expected that to be the end of it, but instead I dreamed.

I dreamed of a tower being built higher and higher. It gleamed under the sun, that great, big gaping hole to Aetherius. There were no builders, no cranes, but there was sound.

The tower, the sound, the tower, the sound, the tower…

It continued without end. All that changed was the tower reached ever higher.